I shove my fingers between my thighs. He told me I couldn’t come without his permission, but he’s not here, is he? He’ll never know if I make myself come. Fuck him. I thrust my fingers—one, two, three—inside my cunt. I thrust them in and out of me, in and out. I curve my fingers inside my channel, but it’s not enough. I add a fourth finger, and damn it, it doesn’t feel the same. Shit, shit, shit.Doesn’t matter; keep going.I weave my fingers in and out, but each time it feels like I am about to climax, I can’t relax enough to let go. Damn this, and damn him! Has he conditioned my body so much already that I have to obey him even when he is not here? I turn off the shower, dry myself, then pull on my sleep shorts and camisole and crawl into bed.
Sometime later, my eyes snap open. It’s still completely dark outside. I reach for my phone and the clock on the screen indicates it’s four am. I put the phone back, try to go back to sleep, but I hear the sound of something in the distance. I sit up, try to listen. There’s silence. Maybe it’s my imagination. I lay back in my bed, but now I feel wide awake. Damn it. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, then pull on a pair of thick socks. I grab a hoodie and shrug into it, then make for the door. As I pass Axel’s room, I hear the sound of a low scream. I stop at the door, press my ear to it, and that’s when I hear him cry out again. I open the door and slip inside.
27
Axel
The line of fire lights up the space in the gap between the door of the wardrobe and the floor. It flickers and dances as the heat in the closet builds up. I am scared, so scared. I press back into the wall of the closet and close my eyes. I don’t want to die. Please, I don’t want to die. Smoke creeps in from under the door and I cough. My eyes water. I need to get out of here, but how do I do that? If I reach for the door, on the other side, there will be fire. I press my sweaty palms into the wall behind me. There’s no escape. The only way is to move through the door. Either that, or I’d be roasted alive here. Sweat pops on my forehead and slides down my temple.
I have to try to get out of here. But mum said that she would come for me. She told me to wait here, while she finishes working. I told her I don’t like to hide in the closet but she said we don’t have a choice. She has to work and all she could afford right now is this room. And she can’t have me outside. That would upset her client. I told her I would go outside to play, but she said I’m too small to be out on my own. She doesn’t think it would be safe for me to cross the road on my own to go to the playground. So, I had no choice but to hide myself in the closet. She said she won’t be long. And I believe her.
My ma has always come through for me. She’s always there to pick me up from school and to drop me off. And she makes sure I always have enough to eat and she buys me toys I love. I didn’t want to hide but she promised that this would be the last time. That after this, we would be moving to a bigger place where I’d have my own room. Just this one last client she had to take care of, and we’d start packing right after and be off. I didn’t want to agree, but she finally coaxed me into the closet.
Soon after, I heard the sound of voices, and knew her client had arrived. Then the usual grunts and groans started and I plugged my fingers in my ears just the way that she had taught me. I even saw a mouse in the corner of the closet and laughed at it. I reached for it but it scampered off.
I guess I fell asleep after that, but now I wake up to the heat, the sweat trickling down my back...and the fire…the sparks that dance through the slats on the door. I open my mouth to cry out, but my throat is so dry. I don’t want to die; I don’t want to die. I draw in a breath and burst out coughing. The smoke is building in here; it’s too much. Too hot. Can’t breathe. My lungs are burning. My skin feels like it’s going to catch fire at any moment. I have to get out of here. Have to. I reach for the door, my fingers brush the hot metal, and I scream.
"Axel," I hear her voice. "Axel, you are safe"
"Mom?" I croak.
"It’s me, Axel."
I snap my eyes open and meet her worried gaze.
"Axel?" Her forehead furrows, "Are you okay?"
I try to speak, but my throat is too dry. I draw in a breath and my lungs burn. My heart is racing so fast, I’m sure it’s going to break out of my ribcage. Sweat beads my brow, trickles down my temple.
"Axel?" she asks with hesitation. "I think you had a bad dream."
My entire fucking life, so far, is a bad dream. Until the day I met her. That’s when everything changed. That’s when I realized what was missing—that I need to own her. And I will. Only, I need to use her to further my end goal. I can’t let go of that. Not when I have spent my entire life working toward it.
She reaches for me. I grab her wrist and haul her to me, flip her onto the bed and lean over her, all in one smooth move.
She stares up at me, her breath coming in pants. "A…Axel,” her chin wobbles, “are you okay?"
No, I’ll never be okay.Not when I have to use the one good thing I have found in my life for my own selfish means, even knowing I will lose her because of it.
"A…Axel, please," she whispers. "I only came in because I heard a noise and wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t mean to disturb you, honestly."
I take in her pale features. The moonlight that slants in through the crack in the curtains highlights the red strands in her hair. Her green eyes are dilated. I lower my head and sniff at her neck. The sweet orange blossom scent of her fills my senses. My cock instantly lengthens; my groin hardens. Fuck, but she is potent.
"Axel, don’t—"
She tries to scramble away and I lower the weight of my lower body onto her, pinning her in place.
She must feel the thickness of my arousal, for she freezes. Every muscle in her body tenses. Her lips tremble.
"Everywhere I look, you are always there. Every time I try to turn away from you, I am drawn back. Every time I want to stop thinking of you, you pop up in front of my eyes. Why is that?"
"I… I don’t know." She swallows. "I swear, I didn’t mean any harm coming in here."
"So you say, when the fact is, you know exactly how to hurt me."
"I hurt you?" She frowns, "I am not the one who insisted I should move into this stupid house and away from my family."
"Do you miss your family?"