"I’m thirty-three."
"I’m twenty-four."
"And clearly, a genius, which is why you qualified so quickly as a doctor."
She chuckles. "Let’s just say, I was determined to get through my exams with excellent grades, and as quickly as possible. It’s another reason why, when I met you, I was still inexperienced."
"Thank fuck." I lunge forward, and she gasps.
"God, I’ll never get used to your size."
"Keep talking, Flower," I smirk, "it does wonders for my ego."
"Like you need that?"
"All I need is you—your voice, your scent, your wide-eyed innocence when you look at me with those big golden eyes."
"I’m not that innocent." She tips up her chin. "After all, I did want you to tie me up and ravish me, more than anything, I wanted you to do all of those filthy things that you hinted you were capable of." She swallows. "I found it so erotic, and I couldn’t understand where those thoughts were coming from."
"It’s not shameful to want to explore your sexuality and boundaries." I bump my nose with hers. "It’s because you were honest with yourself, because you let me push your limits, that we made it this far."
She peers into my eyes,=. "You won’t leave me again, will you?"
"Never." I kiss her lips. "How can I, when everything I want is right here in front of me?"
58
A day later
Karma
I bend over the ceramic bowl of the commode and throw up the breakfast that I’ve just eaten. I puke until there’s nothing left, then manage to flush away the disgusting mess before I sink back onto the floor. I push my head back into the wall.
Holy shit, this is the third morning in a row this has happened. Combined with my tender breasts, and the period that I’ve missed, that tells me that I’m probably pregnant. I stay there for a few more seconds as I will my head to stop spinning. I close my eyes, take in a breath, then another. A few more breaths, and I feel slightly better. I push up to my feet, and my knees don’t buckle under me. Score!
I walk over to the sink, rinse out my mouth, and splash some water on my face and wrists. By the time I leave the room, I feel much better. I walk over to my studio, which is just down the hallway from me, and push open the door. Andy glances up from his cat cave bed in the corner of the room. He stares at me as I cross over to where I have been sketching my latest creation. It’s for a bride in London.
Since the day I sold my first creations in Camden Market, the orders have been flooding in. They are growing at such a fast rate, I have had to both hike up my prices and turn down a few because I couldn’t meet the demand.
Michael suggests it’s time I expand. He’s offered to build me a separate studio on the grounds surrounding the house. Then, I can hire a couple of seamstresses to help me.
I’ve thought about it and decided that’s not right for me at this time.
The Karma label is my first baby, and I want to keep the creativity, the quality, and the attention to detail that it has come to embody as consistent as possible. Which means, I need to be hands-on, for now. Maybe later on down the line, I might think of expanding and getting help. For now, I’d rather work on it myself.
It’s a good thing Michael has been away on business the last few days, or my morning sickness would have sent him into a tizzy. For now, though, it feels right that I can hold onto this part of me—this feeling, this sensation of being a mother again—to myself. I flatten my palm against my stomach as I stare at the finished design on the drafting board.
I pull off the paper and carefully place it aside. Just need a little break before I begin translating that into fabric. Meanwhile, I pick up a pencil and begin to draw. This one is different. This one is unlike the designs I have created so far. Something softer, more fragile, smaller in size…
A Peter Pan collar, simple long sleeves, a slight gathering at the waist, opening at the back, so it’s easy to put on and pull off. I step back and glance at what I have drawn. It’s a bodysuit for a baby … a newborn. Tears prick the backs of my eyes, and I wipe them away. Shit, I’m not even, like, fully pregnant—is that even a concept? I mean, I just found out I’m pregnant, and already, the pregnancy hormones seem to be taking effect.
If Michael were here, he’d probably just wrap me in fluff, scoop me up, place me on the bed, and order me not to move until the baby is born. I scowl at the drawing. Not likely.
I intend to work until my last week. I intend to continue to design and sew and ensure that all the orders I have taken are fulfilled with Karma originals. No bride who orders a dress from me is going to be empty-handed. No, siree. I only need to convince my husband of that.
Speaking of…. I place my pencil on the table. There’s a much bigger discussion I need to broach with my husband. I wince. I’ve been putting it off for so long, and now, I really need to tell him. And if I don’t…
No. I shake my head. I can’t do this to him. It’s bad enough I haven’t brought it up with him so far. He deserves to know. It’s his right to know.