He is going to be okay; he has to be okay. Has to. The breath I had not been aware I was holding wheezes out. My arms and legs tremble. I walk over to the nearest chair and collapse into it.
"You okay,fratello?" Seb grips my shoulder.
Massimo flanks me on the other side as I bury my head in my hands.
No, I am not okay. How can I be okay when the soul-brother I thought I had lost forever seems to have resurrected from the dead? He’s not my twin; he can’t be my twin. I saw Xander dead and in his coffin with my own eyes. I buried him. I felt the emptiness in the space where I had always felt him. Yeah, I know woo-woo stuff…but it’s the only way to explain it. It’s not like we had the kind of connection where if one twin fell sick, the other also fell ill, or if one was hurt, the other felt it. It had always been more discrete. Something reserved for bigger life events.
Like when I had known that my father was going to hurt him, and I had felt Xander’s fear and his utter helplessness, and I had stepped in to save him. I had taken the physical abuse, and later, the emotional abuse that my father had heaped on me. Something I have never regretted.
Or the time when Xander had been confused and in so much conflict over whether he had loved Theresa or not. He had pondered about it for days until I could literally hear him thinking, mulling it over and over in his head. And I hadn’t been able to stand it and had ultimately gone to him and asked him what had been bothering him. He hadn’t been completely honest with me, even then, and I had known it, but I hadn’t pushed it. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have helped him think it through and resolve his feelings. Maybe then he would still be alive. Maybe he still is alive?
No, he isn’t. Xander would sooner cut off a hand than pick up a gun. The man looks a lot like Xander, but he is not Xander; he can’t be. So, the question is, who is he?
"Who is he?" I ask softly.
"Who’s who?" Seb enquires.
Massimo shoots me a worried look. "You okay, brother?" he rumbles as I push myself up to my feet.
"Who is he?" I ask loudly enough that the noise in the room dies down. One by one, the rest of my brothers, as well as Karma and Theresa, turn to glance at me. Everyone, except Nonna, who focuses her attention on the window.
"What are you talking about?" Michael frowns.
"Oh, she knows what I am talking about, don’t you?" I focus on putting one foot in front of the other as I approach Nonna. "Tell us who he is."
"I don’t know what you are talking about," she laughs.
"Oh, you know what I am talking about, all right." I pause in front of her, "You know who he is, don’t you?"
"Christian," Michael warns me, "don’t talk to Nonna like that."
"And why not, considering she’s been keeping a secret from all of us?"
"Me?" She widens her gaze, "You think I am keeping a secret?" She glances around the crowd of assembled faces, "Do any of you think I’d really keep anything from you?"
The silence stretches, then Seb mutters, "If it served your purposes, then yes, I think you would."
The others nod.
Nonna seems taken aback, then she tightens her lips, "Good to know that’s what you all actually think about me. After everything I have sacrificed for this family…" she huffs.
"I know, you have," I force my muscles to relax, "and that is exactly why I think that if it would help the family, you would have kept the presence of my triplet a secret."
"Triplet?" Luca exclaims. "Did you say, triplet?"
The others stay quiet. One look at Nonna's face, and I know I am right. "Well," I ask her, "are you going to deny it?"
She opens her mouth and shuts it, then she glances around the room once again. She looks away, then back at me. "There are reasons for what happened then," she murmurs.
I draw in a breath, "So I was right?" I ball my fists at my sides. "He is my triplet?"
"You have to understand, it was the only way to arrive at some kind of settlement within the family."
"Settlement?" I scowl, "What are you talking about?"
"Sit down, will you?" She turns to Michael, "Please, sit down and hear me out, all of you," she looks at each of my brothers in turn. "please?" She turns to me, "Give me a chance to explain."
It’s exactly what my Flower had asked of me, and I had refused her. Will I do the same to Nonna now?