2
Karma
I stare at him, trying to process his words, trying to make sense of what he said. "What do you mean he didn’t make it?" I throw the covers off, jump out of bed. "Who did you speak to? Maybe they are lying. He made it out of the water. Of course, he did. He had to… You, yourself, said that he’s not easy to kill, that he had a hard head, remember? He has to be alive. He can’t be dead."
Luca shakes his head, "I’m sorry," he murmurs, "Seb announced it at a meeting of the family. He is taking over temporarily as Capo."
"No," I shake my head, "no, no, no, it can’t be true." The world tilts and my vision narrows as black spots creep into my periphery. I blindly reach behind me, find the edge of the bed, and sink back down. "Please, no. Not M...Michael." My voice breaks and tears flow down my cheeks. I cover my face in shame.
How could this have happened? How could I have killed my…own husband…the possible father of my child? The only man who’s ever touched that part deep inside of me, who awoke that darkness in me… Who made me feel so alive. Who…loved me. I know he did. I saw it in his eyes right before he went under. My throat closes, my ribcage tightens and something hot stabs at my chest. Oh, Michael, Michael, what have I done? I grab my pillow and squeeze it tightly as I begin rocking.
How can I make up for this? What can I do to repent for my mistake? For having killed the man I love? My fingers tremble and a cold sensation grips me. I lift my head and glance up at Luca, "I need to go."
"Where?" He frowns.
"To Michael."
"Karma," he squats down in front of me, "Michael’s gone."
"His funeral." I clear my throat, "I need to attend his funeral."
"No," he scowls, "that’s impossible."
"Why?" I set my jaw. "He was the Mafia Capo. Surely, they’ll have a big funeral for him so everyone can pay their respects."
"If you go, if they see you, you’re dead."
"I’m dead now," I reply. "I feel like I cannot breathe, cannot live after this. I…" I hunch my shoulders, "How can I live with myself after what I’ve done? I…need to go see him and apologize to him. I can’t go on without seeing him one last time."
"That is a seriously bad idea," he groans. "If, by some miracle, you get near the casket, they will shoot you on sight, or worse."
"I don’t care." I firm my lips, "I must see him, so I can tell him…"How sorry I am for what I did.Not for having run away, but for having hit him with that oar. He’d been coming after me. He’d wanted to pull me…his wife away from leaving with another man. He hadn’t been thinking straight when he’d jumped in the water and swum toward me. He’d lost his control, shown his weakness and I… I had taken advantage of it.
Damn it, I have to see him one last time. See his gorgeous face, kiss...his forehead, say my goodbyes… I’ll never get closure for what I did, but… I can, at least, tell him how I feel. Tell him that I love him. I owe him that much, surely. "I…" I swallow, "Please, I need to go to him."
Luca rises to his feet and begins to pace, "Not only are you going to die, but you are going to get me killed with you."
"You don’t have to come with me."
He snorts, "What if my brothers stop you?"
"I’ll take my chances."
"Shit." He digs his fingers in his hair and pulls at it. "Seems even here, my dearfratellonebeat me at my own game. I left the clan so I could find a way to challenge him, to show him I could wield more power than him. Just one time, I wanted to sit at the same table as him and show him I was his equal, but the bastard had to go one up on me here, too." He stops, turns to me, "And if I refuse to help you now, he’ll probably never forgive me. Thestronzowill probably come back to haunt me."
He blinks, and I swear, I can see his eyes shining with unshed tears. Guess he loved his brother in his own way. And me… How had I loved him? As a wife, his submissive, his slave…his…captive? All of the above? I bite the inside of my cheek. "So, you’ll help me?"
He stares at me, then jerks his chin.
Some of the tension drains out of my muscles. "I’ll probably need to get a different set of clothes."
He stares at my red-colored hair, "That’s probably a good idea." He tilts his head, "We’ll need to get there first thing in the morning."
"So soon?" I stiffen. Not that it would mark a difference, but I’d hoped I could get some kind of a grace period, at least a day to prepare?
"The Mafia prefer to bury their loved ones as quickly as possible. So, we need to get to the vigil before tomorrow evening."
Right. "Will you help get me the clothes I need?"
He blows out a breath, then nods.
"Thank you," I murmur
"You won’t be thanking me when my brothers come after you."
I set my jaw. "We’ll see about that."