I shook my head, swearing inwardly at the pain it caused. “My body’s fighting it, not me. I have no control over it.”
“You were dying, and Dax kissed you. It bought you time, Sab. If you kiss again, maybe it could fix things. Hell, if you have sex, maybe—”
“I’m not kissing or having sex with Dax, Lizzy.” I cut her off, my voice still raspy and painful.
She frowned. “Why the hell not?”
“He doesn’t want me, okay? He didn’t before; if he does now, it’s just because of the damn mate connection. I should never have chased this so hard.”
Lizzy scoffed. “He was waiting for his mate—for you.”
I lowered my scratchy voice to barely above a whisper. “He didn’t like me. I read his damned texts, okay? He wasn’t into me, and he didn’t want to be friends with me. He thought what I was doing was stupid, and naïve, and only supported it because he wanted to find his mate. He and his friends called me weird and nerdy and ugly and geeky a hundred times already.”
Lizzy’s eyebrows shot upward. “They what?”
Okay, Dax himself hadn’t called me ugly, nerdy, or geeky. He had called me weird, though. Multiple times. And he hadn’t disagreed when anyone insulted me.
“I don’t want someone who only wants me because of werewolf voodoo, okay? I want real love, Lizzy. You know that. I want soulmate-level connection, like you and Elliot have. And don’t tell me we’re soulmates; I know his wolf would’ve chosen me the first moment we met if fate had connected us earlier.”
“Damn. Okay, so I don’t know everything, but what I said still stands. If kissing Dax showed your body or the wolf or whatever the hell is wrong that you’re okay—if it can save your fucking life—then you kiss Dax. And if having sex with him saves your life, then you sex the hell out of him. Okay?”
I scowled. “I’m dying, and you’re here ordering me around.”
“Oh, shut up. We both know it’s not a hardship to have sex with a gorgeous, massive werewolf.”
We maintained straight expressions for all of one minute before we snorted together. “Hardship?” I teased. “Good one.”
“I live to entertain,” Lizzy drawled, giving me a half-bow. She straightened, and her expression grew serious. “I know it’s not what you wanted or imagined, but you and Dax are connected now. After you get through this, you can decide to leave him if that’s what you want; you know I’ll help you get away if you decide to. But right now, you need to focus on figuring out how to accept whatever the hell your body is trying to reject, okay? After you’re safe, and out of here, we worry about soulmates and instalove and winged bad boys, okay?”
My heart sank a bit, but I nodded slightly. “Fine.”
She gave me a quick, tight hug. “I’m going to go tell the doctor that you’re awake. Talk to Dax.”
I gave a ragged nod, wearing a deep grimace as she slipped off the bed and strode out of the room.
Dax removed my earbuds from his ears and put them in their case before walking back to the chair he’d left beside my bed.
He sat down, his eyes meeting mine before they moved slowly up and down my figure. Whether he was checking me out or checking me for injuries, I didn’t know. Probably the latter, though.
There was a moment of silence between us. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t relaxed either.
“You look like shit,” I finally rasped to him.
“So do you.” He leaned over the hospital bed, his muscular forearms resting on the mattress and his hands less than an inch from my thighs. Someone had brought him a shirt and a pair of sweat pants, and I kind of wished they’d left him naked.
At least then I’d go out with a good view.
He really did look terrible, though.
Dark circles under his eyes, wrinkled clothes, bare feet a bit dirty from being in his wolf form…
“I need my phone,” I told him.
“Why?”
“To call my dad. He needs to know exactly what’s happening to me, and see for himself that it’s no one’s fault.”
“You’re not going to die,” Dax said, without so much as a moment of hesitation.