I didn’t think he would, but… I would kind of deserve it.
And that was exactly the line of thinking he wanted me to avoid, so I needed to try to stop.
Because he was right; I wasn’t a terrible person. I could be bitchy, and I had plenty of issues, but I was trying. And that was what mattered, wasn’t it?
Grabbing my bag, I slung it over my shoulder and headed back toward the house.
I wasn’t running from Zed. Not anymore.
I was… committing.
There would be no more wondering.
No more questioning.
I wanted Zed, and I wanted to be with him.
All in, whatever the hell the stakes were.
My backpack hit the table, and Zed’s recipe book followed. I stripped my clothes off and then slipped out the back door, closing my eyes.
“Come on, wolf,” I mumbled aloud. “I need you to take over, and take me to Zed.”
When I leaned into that painful sensation, she took over. The shift was faster than it had ever been before, the pain only fleeting as my body changed.
My wolf stretched out before she launched into the forest.
The trees flew past, and I relaxed into the calm quiet of my personal limbo. It was peaceful there, watching through the eyes of my wolf.
It felt like a hell of a long time had passed when she finally found Zed’s wolf and skidded to a stop, strolling up to her mate’s side. She snuggled up with him for a moment, and he nuzzled her back, and they sat together to look out at a gorgeous view of the forest stretching out below them a long, long way.
Their love was so easy and simple. Natural, too. Fate spoke, and they listened.
If only it was that instinctual for me, too, everything would be so much easier. But it wasn’t, and there was nothing to do about it but force myself to keep growing and adjusting.
My wolf gave me control again after a few minutes, and I shifted forms. The shift was as smooth and fast as it had been earlier; still painful, but not absolute agony.
I walked over to Zed’s wolf and sat down on the dirt beside him. My fingers tentatively slipped into the wolf’s fur, and I rubbed him behind the ears slowly. He and I had never become good friends—the wolf. We had always been at odds. But he was just as steady and reliable as his human; I don’t know how I didn’t see that while I was running from him.
He was never angry, or pushy. He gave me space, and remained beside me. Watching over me and respecting my decisions at the same time, even when it was shitty for him.
“I should’ve realized how good you were to me sooner,” I murmured to him. “Your human doesn’t like it when I thank him or apologize, so…” I leaned in, and pressed my lips to the side of the wolf’s face.
The wolf nuzzled me back, and my arms wrapped around his back and pulled him closer. We snuggled for a few minutes, the wolf licking my face and arms between nuzzling me.
It felt good to hold him. I’d always been at odds with that side of Zed, and I didn’t want to be. I wanted to learn to love every part of him; the good, the bad, and the furry.
The wolf eventually took a couple of steps away and started the painful process of shifting back. Zed shifted even faster than I had, and then sat down beside me.
We both looked out at the view, neither of us speaking for a moment.
“I’m not supposed to apologize,” I told him. “Some asshole doesn’t like it when I do.”
Zed remained silent. I didn’t have to look over at him to know he wasn’t smiling. I’d hurt him, and that was my fault.
“So instead, I’m going to commit.”
There was a pause.