Chapter One
Maddie
Cold sweat drips over my brow, sticking my fringe to my forehead as I bolt up in bed. My breathing is laboured, a heavy wheeze as I try to calm down. Reaching for the water I keep on my bedside cabinet, I knock the alarm to the floor, and the glow from the clockface bounces over the walls of my bedroom.
One thing I can see? I ask myself, trying to focus my mind.
My eyes drop to the alarm clock. I gulp down the water.
Two things I can smell?
The clothes softener I use and…my own sweat?
Yuck.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, already feeling calmer.
Three things I can feel?
The cold pint glass, the bedsheets, and…
I reach out with my free hand until my fingers wrap around the stuffed red elephant that Jacob won for me at a fair when we were kids.
Huffy.
The name was his idea of a joke about my moodiness at being in such a crowded place, but now I find comfort in his soft—if a little worn—fur.
Finally, I’m calm enough to get out of bed. I plod through to the kitchen to refill my glass, holding Huffy by his worn trunk in my other hand with my journal tucked under my arm. Per my therapist's instructions, I note the time in my dream journal and what the nightmare entailed.
Panicked shouting.
Endless corridors.
Unable to find a way out.
A shudder works its way up my spine, and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to sleep without the nightmares. Without being haunted by the past I thought I’d finally escaped.
My mind goes to Jacob and how I would text him whenever I had a nightmare. He always replied.
Even at stupid o’clock in the morning.
I look back at the corridor that leads to my bedroom, where my phone sits on my nightstand. But the thought of heading back there right now makes my stomach revolt. Besides, I need to learn to deal with this on my own.
My roommate, Fiona, walks into the kitchen. “Hey, babe,” she says while yawning. “What’s got you up at this hour?” Realization dawns on her face as she spots my journal. She moves closer, wrapping me up in a warm hug. “Nightmares, huh?”
“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” I ask into her mass of curly hair.
“It’s okay. You want company?’”
I shake my head. “No, I’m going to head back to bed and see if I can get some more sleep before my shift starts.”
I give her hand a grateful squeeze and head back to my room. It’s weird, but I’ve never told Fiona about my nightmares or why I get them. But she still seems to know that something is lurking there, in my subconscious mind. Somehow, over time, she has become the crutch I need in the night, but she will never be Jacob, and my heart breaks a little at how much I miss him.
At how much I miss us.
Jacob
Mum is sobbing quietly behind the door.