Weak and feeling gross, I grab it from the sink and try to fake like I am not retching on the floor. “Good morning Mr. Stepan.”
“Ling Ling, I need you here in an hour.” And here comes the vomit again. Hearing him use his pet name for me is nauseating and it makes me uncomfortable. Not only do I sound like an Asian concubine, but the fact that he calls me anything other than my first name or last name, sounds too intimate. Kind of like we are lovers or friends and we are neither.
“Sir, can we make it an hour and a half? I just got up and haven’t…”
“Do I pay you to make my schedule for me?” His voice becomes loud and belligerent. This is the side of him I try never to provoke.
“No, sir. Right away, sir.” he hangs up after my backpedal and I sit here sagging against the toilet. I am trying but failing to hold in the tears. Patting my stomach, I look down and talk to my precious secret. “Sorry, little bean. I promise I will keep you safe.”
I get cleaned up and dressed. I don’t bother with makeup today. I feel like shit and if I can’t take a second to gather myself, I will go in looking like shit. I make sure everything is locked up and get in the car.
I am ten minutes into the drive when the hair on the back of my neck stands up once again. I have been feeling this since we have been back in New York, like someone has been following me and right now, looking out my rearview mirror, I notice a car behind me that is not allowing too much space between us.
“Is he really having me followed?” I ask myself wondering if my boss has gone this far. The thing is, it is not just when I am in the car. No. I come home from work to find stuff moved around in my apartment. Missing items like underwear. Did I mention that miraculously a couple of days ago I discovered that my rent and bills had been paid up for six months? Yeah. Something is definitely weird.
This thirty minute ride to the office is always plenty of time to regret once again my decision to take this job.
Three months ago, I was living in my parents’ house in New York. Traditional Irish-American family. I am the baby with two big brothers: Cillian, a lawyer and Liam, a successful photographer. For months I had been confused about what to do with my life. I wanted to move out. I wanted to know what it was like to be on my own for once, but in order to do it, I needed money. I needed a job.
I found an ad for a job as a personal assistant. It was intriguing because it said wardrobe allowance, travel included and the pay was nothing to sneeze at, so I applied.
The same week I applied; I met the other half of this little bean inside of me. His name is Jozef and as crazy as it sounds, I fell for him instantly. He was everything but he wasn’t from New York and after a week, he went back to Chicago. He begged me to come with him, but I couldn't leave my family yet. He said he would be back for me and I believed him, but then I got offered the job and jumped at it. Mistake.
Within the first thirty days,I realized my boss was not merely a hotel magnate who traveled, but he was also a seedy dude that had his hand in a lot of illegal things. His meetings are always in seedy bars, with men who carry guns and look at me like a piece of meat.
Once, I tried to not be there. I think I came up with like fifty reasons I should stay home. Hell, I even mentioned that smoke made my asthma act up. Do you think he cared? No. He insisted I be there, taking notes and getting drinks for everyone at the table.
Ninety days in, he had me locked down. He informed me he had my phone cloned so he could keep track of my conversations and make sure I was not talking to the Feds or his enemies. I am not allowed to talk to my parents unless he is present and everything I have is in his name at this moment except this apartment and that is only because I signed for it before I signed his contract.
I once ran into one of his previous assistants at the coffee shop down the street. I recognized her from her picture on what I now know is his wall of conquests. When she saw my name tag, she looked at me, walked up to me and told me to get out while I can.