“Of course I do.” He lifted my hand, kissing my engagement ring, and in that moment I wanted to bail on the whole thing. Maybe I could run. There was a chance Aubrey wouldn’t find me, at least for a little while.
But that wasn’t the promise I’d made.
I had saved the city, and the fairy king had made it possible, and I had a debt to pay, no matter how high the price.
My lower lip trembled, and I knew I wouldn’t hold out long before I started crying. “You are my whole world.” I held his face and kissed him. It was a long, lingering, lime-tasting kiss that thrilled me all the way down to my toes. If I had to go, it was the perfect last memory to go out with.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He ran his fingers through my tangled curls and stared at me too long. He would know something was up if I didn’t move now.
“I forgot my sword upstairs.” I pulled free from him but wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms. “I’ll be right back.” The lie tasted sour on my lips, and I didn’t want it to be the last thing I ever said to him. “I love you.”
His worried expression had returned as I left, but I didn’t dare look back for fear I really would change my mind. If Aubrey came to claim his reward, Desmond would lose me anyway. At least this way I’d go out on my own terms, and I’d be living up to my end of the bargain.
I wove my way back through the museum, which was now filled with live military officers, none of whom seemed terribly interested in stopping me. When I got back to the Special Exhibit hall, my sword was still lying on the floor where I’d dropped it. I knelt beside it and lifted the blade, looking at its luminous glow in the pale light coming through the window.
My hands shook as I flipped it over and over, hoping the weapon itself might offer some suggestions on how I was to proceed. How did the samurai do it? When they fell on their swords, did they literally lean into the blade? That seemed messy and impractical.
“You don’t need to do this.”
I froze, cursing myself for waiting too long. I should have done it already, then no one could talk me out of the necessary conclusion. Holden’s slight British accent gave him away, and I didn’t look back at him. Of course it would be Holden who came. He’d been there when Calliope announced my plan. He’d known all along this was what I intended to do.
I stared at the sword and pretended he wasn’t there.
“Secret, listen to me.”
“Shhh,” I hissed. “You can’t change my mind. I have to. You know as well as anyone the way a promise works, Holden. I can’t back out now.”
He moved until he was standing in front of me, and when it became obvious I wasn’t going to look at him, he sat on the floor so I had no choice. “Then you don’t have to do it alone.”
That caught my attention, and I blinked back my tears, staring at him. He was, as always, impossibly beautiful, only now he looked sadder than I’d ever seen him. He appeared as resigned to my fate as I was, and no more happy about it.
“Give me that.” He took the sword out of my hands, and I yielded it without a fight. “What exactly did he say?”
“He said my death would cleanse the sword.”
“Did he say you had to take your own life?”
The question surprised me. I’d never considered any other option than killing myself. The sword needed my blood, and who else would I ask to take my life from me? That wasn’t the kind of request I could make of anyone, let alone those I cared about the most.
“You can’t…”
He smiled, and it was the most heartbreaking smile imaginable. “Do you remember what I told you, when you came to me and said you were marrying Desmond?”
I will love you with every piece of myself, until New York City crumbles to ashes.
Seemed almost prophetic now.
I nodded.
“I never thought the end would come this soon, did you?”
My breath came out shaky, and I hiccupped. “Seems awfully unfair. I finally make a choice, and I don’t even get to enjoy it.”
“That’s the universe’s way of telling you you chose the wrong man.” His smile faltered, and he stared down at the sword. “Are you sure about this?”
I barked out a laugh. “No.”
“At least you’re still sensible.”