Spacious though the plane was, the two animal crates wouldn’t fit in the cabin, forcing us to stow Ben and Fairfax in the cargo hold. I’d personally traveled in the same hold once and knew the vamps had outfitted it for basic life support. They might not need to breathe, but they still liked the option. The temperature would get a bit chillier than the controlled passenger climate, but nothing that would endanger them.
All the same, I felt bad for stowing my brother away like luggage.
I’d had the option to leave Mercy’s head there as well, but decided that would be cruelty on top of cruelty. We could all survive the smell of blood if the head traveled with us. She was too freshly dead for the reek of decomposition to take hold. Right now she just smelled like…meat.
It wasn’t pleasant to think of a dead body in the same category as a steak, but when push came to shove, they were sort of the same thing.
Except nobody was going to eat Mercy.
I hoped.
Who really knew, though, with the werewolves? There was a chance they might all get together in a big naked circle around a fire and do some sort of weird ritual with her brain.
I put the box on one of the empty seats, and after a moment’s consideration I belted it in to be on the safe side. A bit of turbulence and the head might go flying. I tried to think of a way that might be comical, but there was no way it was anything other than disgusting. And psychologically damaging to everyone on board.
We were all scarred enough after the previous night; we didn’t need to add insult to injury.
The seats were individual, so I didn’t need to make a big show of things by sitting next to Desmond. I took the seat across the aisle from Grandmere and let the boys take the seats behind each of us. When we got to Louisiana and everything with Mercy was sorted, I’d have a chat with Desmond about how serious his proposal was.
Considering he’d done it when we were on the verge of death, I suspected he meant it, but on the other hand—he had nothing to lose in that situation. If he wanted to take it back, I’d give him a chance.
It also saved me from having to make any serious announcements to Holden or Grandmere for the time being. I wanted to be sure I had something to tell them first.
Plus, if we were in Louisiana, I had to admit I wanted to follow protocol and save us a lot of future turmoil by running the union by Callum first. I wasn’t sure how second marriages worked within the pack. Technically I was still married to Lucas, as far as wolf weddings went. But before approving my marriage to Lucas, Callum had not-so-subtly hinted I was making the wrong choice. He’d known even then Desmond was the better fit.
I hoped his opinion hadn’t changed and things would run smoothly in that department. I had enough to worry about when I inevitably broke the news to Holden.
My guilt ratcheted up a few notches, and I felt like I might throw up. I’d never broken up with anyone before. Not in the traditional sense. My first serious boyfriend, Gabriel, had left me. Lucas had stood me up on our wedding day. Desmond had even broken up with me once. I knew all about getting dumped, because I tended to hang on to my relationships until well past their expiry date. I had no idea how to tell Holden it was over, because half of me didn’t want it to be over.
How could I break up with someone when I still loved them?
Pulling my knees up to my chest, I stared out the window into the dark night around the Steinbach airport. The runway lights and the faint glow of the city beyond were the only illumination. Once we got into the air, those would vanish too. Flying over the prairies at night was a lonely thing.
When we’d arrived the previous day, I thought I would be back in New York within two days, tops. Now I was flying well out of the way, and home wasn’t even on the radar anymore. I never thought I’d miss that part of my life so badly. Nolan had just come home, Shane was becoming a sensible human being now that he was in love, and I still had so many questions for Tyler. My new role within the FBI was fresh, and I’d barely had any time to process what it meant.
I hadn’t thought I’d live to see the day I looked forward to having a sit-down with the FBI. But if things took a nasty turn with the council, there was a chance Tyler might be the one shot I had at survival. The government thought of me as an asset, and they wouldn’t want to lose me. If anyone could protect me against the wrath of the Tribunal, it would be them.
A long shot, sure, but if it meant I lived, I’d take it.
Even if it meant living in secrecy. It wasn’t like that was anything new to me.
“You are a thousand miles away,” Grandmere said. The distance across the aisle was too wide for her to reach for my hand, but she was angled in her seat, staring at me intently.
“It’s been a crazy few days.” How long had it been since I left Paris? It felt like a hundred years ago, but it had actually been less than a week.
“For you, bebe, it has been a crazy life.”
I had to laugh. She was a hundred percent right. My life had never been easy, had it? And every time I thought I had cleared my docket of problems, more cropped up to replace them.
“You think I’ll ever be able to rest? Just sit home and, like, learn to knit or something?”
“You will find peace when you no longer crave chaos.” She gave me a knowing smile. “That’s how life works.”
“I think I’m plenty done with chaos, thanks.”
“Non. You are not, or you would no longer be surrounded by it. You will know when you’re done. You’ll know when the time has come for you to be still.
Though I do not believe you will learn to knit. You cannot sit still long enough.”