And if Desmond really was gone—which I was starting to believe he was—I needed to forget what it meant to love him. Which would be impossible. So the next best thing would be to feel something else.
Anything else.
“I need a distraction,” I said.
Holden placed his hand under my chin and gently lifted my face so I was looking at him. “A distraction?” The smirk playing on his lips did funny, wobbly things to my insides. He was almost painfully beautiful this close up. “That wasn’t our deal. ”
“You said I had to spend a night with you. Here I am. ”
He trailed strong fingers over my cheek and raked them through my hair, tangling himself in my curls. “Should I be grateful?”
The small hairs on my arms and the back of my neck bristled. The way he spoke was brusque and slightly predatory. He wasn’t exactly angry, but there was a new charge in the air that had little to do with seduction.
“You wanted this. ”
“I wanted you. I made no secret of that…no pun intended. ” Holden’s eyes were dark and held a hungry gleam. But hungry for what, I wasn’t sure.
“If you wanted me, here I am. ”
“I want Secret McQueen, not some sniffling, mopey, pathetic schoolgirl who can barely get out of bed because she’s sad. ” The last word was heavy with insult.
My stomach clenched. “What did you just say to me?”
“I said I don’t want you like this. ” His grip on my hair tightened, and he jerked my face close to his, close enough our noses touched.
I’d come here expecting to give myself to him, but now that he had me locked in his grip and was looking at me like a victim, I was having a huge change of heart.
“Let me go,” I demanded.
“You’re the big, bad vampire hunter,” he said, his gaze narrowing. “Why don’t you make me?”
Chapter Two
Bracing both of my palms against his chest, I tried to push Holden off me, but he wouldn’t budge. Moments like this functioned as a stark and frightening reminder that full-blooded vampires were stronger than I was. Holden had never flaunted his physical advantages before, but now he was acting like my resistance wasn’t impacting him at all.
“I command you to let me go. ” If he wasn’t going to yield to my strength, maybe he’d smart up and listen to my power.
“The Tribunal isn’t here. The council isn’t here. It’s just you and me. ” He ducked his head, and his teeth grazed my throat. I convulsed.
“Let me go, Holden. ”
Pointy fangs scratched the smooth surface of my skin. I balled my hands in his dress shirt because my knees were suddenly wobbly. I didn’t want to admit that in spite of my rage, I didn’t hate what he was doing to me.
Part of me wanted him to bite me.
A bigger part of me wanted to show him that I wasn’t going to let a god
damn sentry vampire get the best of me.
I grabbed his throat and shoved his head away from my neck, my fingers tightening as I continued to move him backwards across the room. The hungry gleam in his eyes was still there, but this time he wasn’t fighting me. I pushed him as far as the apartment’s main wall, where I shoved him hard into the brick.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I demanded.
“So you are still in there. ”
I released him and put a few steps between us. “You know, if this is how you treat the women you bring to your apartment, it’s no small wonder you’re single. ”
Holden smiled. “I don’t usually bring such sad cases home with me. ”