“Lucas…” I took a breath to calm myself, resisting the urge to say something I couldn’t take back. I had to remember that I’d never really been a part of anything bigger than myself. Before becoming a warden, I hadn’t been a member of the vampire council, but rather was their pawn. I hadn’t considered myself to be a part of Lucas’s pack, so of course I wouldn’t have considered how my individual actions could have impacted the group. Maybe it was foolish of me, but if you’ve never been responsible
for anyone but yourself, a lone wolf, it’s hard to wrap your head around a pack mentality.
“I know you had your reasons. I know you were freaked out by what happened in that basement…”
That was the understatement of the decade. I’d forced my new boyfriend to accept I was part vampire so I could feed off him in order to not die. Afterwards, I hadn’t been sure if I’d ever see him or Desmond again.
“I ran. ” I pulled my hands away from him. “I didn’t know how to face you. I didn’t know if you’d want to see me after what happened. So I ran. ”
“Shouldn’t that have been for me to decide?”
“Shouldn’t coming home have been for me to decide?” I retorted. Even though I wasn’t really angry, I found it frustrating he couldn’t see outside the box.
He huffed. “The vampire would have brought you back anyway. At least with Jackson there, I knew you’d be safe. ”
I flashed to my graceless, bloody exit from the car trunk. “I guess we were both wrong,” I said.
Our steaks came then, and we watched each other in chilly silence. Neither of us moved to eat once the waiter left. I wasn’t hungry anymore. Instead I sipped my wine with less reserve than before.
“I meant what I said yesterday,” he offered. I don’t know if he was trying to make peace between us or to change the subject, but I found myself more annoyed than flattered that he would bring it up right then.
I swished the wine around in my glass and watched the translucent fingers of it claw down the inside walls of the bowl.
“Secret. ” He was trying to keep the anger out of his voice, but minute traces of it clung regardless.
I could only imagine how frustrating it must be for Lucas to be soul-bonded to such a single-minded and stubborn woman as myself. I was willing to bet he asked himself often if it was worth the effort to be with me to please the Fates. I bet he wondered if I was a test. I couldn’t blame him. But all the same, he wasn’t exactly the prize he seemed to be.
Who knew even supernaturally selected relationships would be so complicated?
“Say it, then,” I instructed tartly, swallowing the rest of my wine. It tasted like cinnamon and made me cringe.
“Now?”
“No time like the present. ” My eyes narrowed, and I spun the stem of the wineglass back and forth between my finger and thumb.
Lucas’s lips pursed. “You know something?” He pushed his untouched plate away from him. “I knew you were royalty the moment we met. I knew we were destined to be together the first time I saw your face. I love you, Secret, I do. I love every fiber of your fucked-up DNA. I love your insecurity and your stubbornness. ” He was gripping the corners of the table, and there was an edge to his voice that both frightened and aroused me. He continued, “But until this moment, I never thought you’d be so willing to act like the spoiled little princess you could have been. ”
It had been a perfectly suitable declaration up until the end.
I put my empty glass down, then folded my napkin and placed it next to my plate.
“All right. Well, Lucas Rain, how’s this? I could love you. ” I pushed my chair back an inch, and his cheeks flushed. “But right now, acting like a pompous douchebag who thinks being king gives him the right to treat me like something he owns? It doesn’t make me like you very much. ”
Before he could counter, I grabbed my purse and left the table, leaving a tongue-tied wolf king in my wake.
Chapter Eighteen
It was ten forty by the time I was back out on Madison. I doubted Lucas was planning to follow me, hobbled by ego as he was, so I stopped outside the entrance and traded my heels for a pair of flats.
The rest of my night would not be as dramatic as dinner had been, but I was willing to bet it would be a bit more active.
Now four inches shorter, I headed south towards Gramercy, home of the vampire bar Havana. Leave it to the vampires of Manhattan to place their den of inequity a stone’s throw from some of the wealthiest, most famous people in New York.
I briefly wondered if anyone with fangs had a key to Gramercy Park but knew how silly and obvious the answer was. Of course they would. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover someone with fangs had keys to the Oval Office.
The night was bright and warm, without any of the hazy burden of too-hot air. The city lit up the sky overhead, creating a constant state of artificial twilight. In summer the darkness never seemed able to reach its full potential.
I crossed the street in front of the Flatiron Building, weaving in between a gaggle of camera-wielding tourists who were snapping pictures of the landmark skyscraper.