She jerked around to look up at me. “What?”
“I think… I might’ve been wrong. I only wanted what was best for you, but… maybe I should’ve let you decide.”
Gretchen was silent, as if she understood we were having an adult moment.
Jaz stood up, comin
g face to face with me. “Are you saying you want me back?”
“I never stopped wanting you.”
Her hands cupped my face. “You’d take me back, then?”
Slowly, I nodded. More than anything, I wanted her to kiss me right there in the middle of the library. But I couldn’t let her get her hopes up without giving her all the information.
“I don’t know if we’ll get Gretchen away from Derek,” I said softly. “And Amanda might want her too.”
She swallowed, and I trembled. Maybe this wasn’t good enough for her. Maybe without Gretchen, I wouldn’t be enough.
At last she spoke, and although her voice was sorrowful, it was also resolute.
“We’ll make it work,” she said. “We’ll get through it. Together.”
25
Jaz
Faye’s change of heart was so sudden, I couldn’t stop questioning it. “Are you sure?” I asked as we left the library.
“This is for real?” as I brought my bags from my car up her stairs.
“But seriously, though?” as she shut the door to her bedroom.
She’d just brought Gretchen’s crib into the living room, and she listened for a moment to make sure the nap she seemed to be taking had stuck. “This is absolutely for real,” she said. “I’ve been wishing I could take it back since I told you to leave, but I kept telling myself it was for the best.”
It was exactly what I wanted to hear… but how could I be sure? She’d been so cold to me, sounded so final. How could I ever erase the memory of how she’d ended it?
I stood an arm’s length away from her. “You hurt me, Faye,” I said.
“I hurt myself.” She spoke quietly, regretfully. “I’m pretty sure I hurt Gretchen as well. I was trying to salvage what I could from a bad situation, and I fucked everything up even worse.”
“I’ll never agree with what you did… but I think I kind of understand.”
Faye smiled then, her eyes still pained. “I don’t want to drag you down with me. What I’m going to go through in the next few months might not be fun. At all.”
“You say that like it’s a surprise.” I took a step closer, touched her arm. “You say it like I have a choice in whether to leave or stay. I’m already here, Faye, already in this with you. I love the fuck out of that kid, and you. I’m not going anywhere—I can’t.”
“Then… would I be a horrible person if I told you to come here?” She opened her arms.
I fell into them, letting her just hold me for a long moment. It felt like I’d been waiting an eternity for her embrace, and it felt just as warm and solid and comforting as I’d anticipated.
She lifted my chin and our lips met. Then I was kissing her like I’d never done before. With my kisses, I gave her a series of fierce, passionate demands. Don’t do this again. Don’t ever leave me.
And in return, she gave me tender affirmations. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. I’ll never hurt you.
We clung onto each other, barely separating long enough for her to start stripping us out of our clothes, one piece at a time. I was so focused on kissing her, I was only vaguely aware of her easing my shirt over my head. All I knew was that the heat of her body was suddenly closer, her silky skin against mine.
“I’ve missed you,” she said. “I know I’ve said that already, but I can’t say it enough.”