“I saw it as her saying she’s aware she abandoned her.”
We hadn’t talked about this in a while, and I hesitated before asking. “You wouldn’t still want Amanda to put her up for adoption?”
“I guess I should,” Faye said, “but I don’t. In fact… I’ve been looking into preschools in Rosebridge.”
My eyes widened. “Isn’t she way too young? She’s barely six months old.”
“Sure, but these places are competitive. You have to get signed up really early.”
“Two years early?”
“If not earlier.” Faye laughed at my expression. “They only have so many slots. Even if I register Gretchen now, she’ll probably have to pass a test closer to the start date. That’s if I want her at a good preschool, anyway.”
“And you do.”
“The best, if possible.” She stuck a hand in Gretchen’s carriage, getting her to wrap her tiny fingers around her thumb. “The only thing is that only her parent or guardian can enroll her.”
“So?” I frowned at her. “Wait… are you saying you want to adopt her?”
“I… I spoke to a lawyer about it over the weekend.” Her cheeks were tinged with pink. “It’ll be easier if Amanda is on board, but I don’t see her having an issue with it. As far as I can tell, that would be her best-case scenario, to the extent she even cares what happens t
o Gretchen.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t resist the urge to pull the baby out of the carriage and hug her to me. This was good news, but how would it change my relationship with her? And with her?
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Faye said.
“What? What do you mean? You don’t owe me anything.” I pursed my lips, looking at the child in my arms. Like Faye said, she wasn’t mine. “I’m just the babysitter.”
“You’re more than that.” Faye leaned in as if wanting to touch me, but the desk was too much of a barrier, and she backed away. “I’ve told you before, I don’t know how I would’ve done any of this without you.”
My gut churned. “You would’ve found a different babysitter.”
I set Gretchen back in her carriage, suddenly irritated for reasons I couldn’t even articulate to myself.
Faye stood, stepping out from behind her desk as I began to walk away. “Jaz, you’ve probably spent as much time with her as I have. You’re more than an employee.”
“Except who would know it? You’re the aunt, and officially soon to be the mother. I’m the fuck buddy.”
She grabbed my arm. “Jaz, I thought you were happy with this arrangement.”
“I’m not.”
16
Faye
“You’re not?”
Of everything Jaz could’ve said at that moment, that was the last thing I’d expected.
We’d been doing this for so long, and she’d always seemed fine with the way things were. If anything, I’d been holding back for fear of getting hurt myself.
She was a youngster, unattached and free of commitment. Why would she ever want to tie herself down to a stodgy old professor like me? All right, I was only twenty-nine, but my lifestyle made me feel older.
And okay, the sex was hot. We burned up the sheets like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Jaz was the one bringing the heat, though. I imagined that to her, hours-long marathons involving feats of incredible skill were ordinary.
And sure, she liked Gretchen. Loved her, even. But that didn’t mean she was ready to sign on to be part of this for real. As her babysitter, she was already spending more time with her than an average single parent’s partner would.