“Christ, Amanda, you make her sound terrible. She was never that bad.”
Amanda folded her hands around her paper cup. “Maybe not to her firstborn. By the time I ended up in the world, she was over being a mother.”
“No, Amanda. If you’d just talk to her sometime…”
A cloud formed over Amanda’s face, and she jerked her cup off the table as if she was about to get up and run out.
Ease off, Faye. Remember what you came here for. “Never mind. I’m not here to psychoanalyze you. Isn’t there anyone else who might have an interest in the baby?” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Her father, possibly?”
“If I had a clue who he was, maybe he’d care.”
My eyes widened, but I tried to keep my shock in check. “There’s more than one or two contenders?”
“There’s a few.” Something flickered across Amanda’s face. Not the shame I might’ve expected, but… something else. “And I’d have no way to contact most of them.”
“You don’t have their phone numbers?”
“Or some of their names.”
My stomach churned. What had driven my baby sister to end up like this? As soon as we got this Gretchen situation figured out, I vowed to not lose touch with Amanda again. She needed a big sister in her life, and I’d clearly let her down.
“So of everyone you know…” I said.
“You’re the most responsible. Like I told you in the note.” She stared at me defiantly, as if daring me to challenge the assertion.
“Fine. Fine.” I dug my fingers into the nape of my neck, hoping to ease out some of the tension. Not happening. “Look, Gretchen is great. I want her to have a chance, not to get lost in the cracks of the foster system. Did you ever think about putting her up for adoption?”
“Give her to some stranger?” Amanda glared now. “Why would I do that?”
“Because the adoption system has rigorous standards.” I’d looked into it a time or two years ago, daydreaming about future plans with a nonexistent partner. “They only let the most committed people adopt children. They have to be responsible, too. Gretchen would go to someone who’d really love and care about her.”
Amanda’s face tightened. “You really don’t want her?”
“I want her in my life. I just… I want to be her aunt.” I set my hands down in frustration, wishing Amanda could even try to understand. “She’s supposed to be with her mother, not with me. She’s a wonderful kid, Amanda. Do you not even want to know her?”
“Look me in the eye and tell me I’d do a better job of raising her than you would.”
Biting my lip, I dropped my gaze to the table. “Fine. So where do we go from here?”
“If you really want her gone, I can look into adoption,” Amanda said.
The idea of Gretchen being gone forever, taken in by complete strangers, made my heart flip over. But there had to be some other option. I couldn’t raise a baby all on my own as a single mom.
“Don’t you want to come see her sometime?” I asked. “Get to know your daughter a little?”
I still had hope that this would somehow turn out the way it was supposed to. That Amanda would magically transform into a mother who would give Gretchen the kind of parenting she deserved.
“I guess… maybe… it couldn’t hurt.”
She sounded unsure, but I jumped on the “maybe” like the lifeline to a solution that could work for us all. “Great! Want to go now? She’s with her babysitter. You’d love her, too. She’s taking such good care of her.”
“Not now,” Amanda said. Her knuckles were white around her cup of coffee. “Later.”
“When? Tonight?”
“No. Maybe… next weekend.”
A full week to wait? It was going to feel so long. And I just knew the second Amanda saw Gretchen again, she’d fall in love and never want to let her go.