She giggled, and I tucked the blanket around her.
I put the baby monitor in the crib, switched off the bedroom light, and headed for the shower. I’d initially been nervous about leaving Gretchen alone for even five minutes, but Jaz said it was okay for a very short time if she was sleeping.
Jaz seemed to be on my mind a lot these days, I thought as I tested the water. It was… strange, to say the least. Usually I could keep myself in check better than that.
Even yesterday, I hadn’t thought about her as much as I was doing tonight. Of course, yesterday was before she’d taken my hand and held it like that. The sparks that’d leapt between us showed there was some kind of connection there. Some kind of chemistry.
In that moment in my car, I’d almost, almost let myself go and let her in.
Shaking my head, I dropped my pants and stepped into the shower. It was still too cold, but clearly I needed the icy blast to clear my head. Goosebumps rose on my skin as the water poured over my chest.
I couldn’t date Jaz. She wasn’t my type… despite those gorgeous eyes, the long eyelashes, the slender frame… Yeah, not my type at all.
She was too young for me. Four years younger.
My student. Not anymore.
Too immature. Except she’s practically raised a bunch of kids and you’re struggling to deal with one.
Either way, what I’d told her on the phone was true. This wasn’t the time to be starting any kind of relationship. I had a newborn to care for, and a sister who’d seemingly vanished into thin air to track down. If this was meant to be, it could wait until I was at a better time in my life.
The chilly shower was starting to heat up, and Jaz’s face was still front and center in my mind. I’m a goner now…
Turning to let the warming water hit my back, I grabbed the soap from its dish. I was just going to shower, nothing else. So what if I was alone without Gretchen for the first time in what felt like a month? Getting off wasn’t exactly at the top of my priority list these days. Masturbating would mean leaving the baby alone for a few minutes longer than necessary. Bad enough I was leaving her this long.
I soaped myself up, trying not to imagine that it was Jaz’s hands on me instead of my own. Get a grip, Faye. You can live without one little orgasm.
Except if it really was one little orgasm, then it really wasn’t such a big deal, right? My sudsed-up hands paused at my waist, and I swallowed hard as Jaz’s dark hair and denim jacket floated through my mind. Not now. I forced my hands to move past my aching mound. Not thinking about her.
I soaped up my thighs and calves, almost proud of myself for resisting the temptation.
When I straightened up, though, the region I’d skipped still needed to be washed. And when my hand brushed over it, I couldn’t ignore the thrills that coursed through me.
“Oh, fuck it,” I said out loud, and slid a finger between my legs.
The baby monitor hadn’t made a sound. I could make this quick. Crank one out fast, just to relieve the built-up tension. I wasn’t going to stand here and linger.
A few quick rubs had me panting for breath, and my gut tightened with the sudden sensations. Putting one hand on the shower wall, I leaned in and closed my eyes. With the warm water spraying over me, it was easy to imagine I was in a whole other world apart from the trials and tribulations of reality.
With my hand moving rapidly, Jaz’s face popped, unwanted, into my mind. I could see every detail of it clearly, as if she was in front of me. Those big eyes darkening with lust… those pink lips parting to let me in…
My hips jerked forward on their own as I pictured myself thrusting against Jaz’s tongue. I was close to the edge by the time I managed to pull back from the fantasy.
Think of someone else, Faye. Anyone else!
Fucking who? I tried to picture my usual go-to, Michelle Rodriguez—but after less than a second, her pointed jaw morphed to Jaz’s more rounded one, followed in quick succession by the rest of her features. As much as I tried to force her back to her movie-star good looks, she insisted on being Jaz.
My hand paused on its mission, and I strained to think of someone else who could replace her. An ex, maybe? Brenda? I brought her image into my head, but my arousal waned at the thought of being with her. That woman couldn’t turn me on now that I knew what a complete psycho she was.
Luckily enough, Jaz was still there in the back of my mind, and she nudged Brenda out of the way. “I’ll take over from here,” she told me with a grin. Oh, hell… why am I bothering to fight this?
One more flick of my fingers and I was over the edge, exploding on the tip of Jaz’s enthusiastic tongue.
I pushed myself up weakly and splashed water on the wall. As I climbed out of the shower, I was physically satisfied… just mentally completely ashamed of myself.
My lips pinched together as I dried off. I supposed what I’d just done wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but still, surely I could’ve restrained myself from fantasizing about a student.
A now-familiar sound pierced the air. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I went to peek into the bassinet. Gretchen’s face was scrunched-up and red, and her fists clenched uselessly in the air.