“Well, today has been quite the ride.” I laughed, squeezing Amelia’s hand, wanting to feel her squeeze back, but she just looked at me with uncertainty.
We unbuckled ourselves and stood, and from the corner of my eye, I saw a camera coming out, so I went for it, taking Amelia by the waist and pulling her into a deep kiss. When this photo was plastered over every magazine in the country, Amelia would know she was the most important thing in the world to me.
Except instead of melting into the kiss, she pulled away.
She kept her eyes on the ground as she said, “Maybe we should just head home.”
19.
Amelia
Jessica looked shocked and hurt, but she covered it quickly, smiling for the camera that’d been snapping photos of us kissing. Jessica always smiled for the camera.
“We could go out for dinn—”
“I feel a little sick,” I cut in. “I just want to go home.”
It wasn’t a lie. I did feel sick. But not from the rollercoaster. It was Jessica’s actions that were making my stomach uneasy.
Just hours ago, she’d completely denied our relationship and now as soon as the cameras were ready, she couldn’t keep her hands off me. She’d even called me her girlfriend.
Girlfriend.
I wanted to cry. Because it felt so good and so horrible all at once to hear her say that. I couldn’t tell what was real with her any more.
She took my hand in hers as we walked out to the parking lot and I didn’t pull away, because I just wanted to hold on to her. Even as I was waking up to the fact that none of this had been real, I was still clinging to the warm, happy dream. The dream where J
essica might’ve loved me back.
“Are you okay?” she asked when we were in the car, driving back to her house.
“Can you actually take me to my apartment?”
Her lips pressed together as she made a quick turn. She was silent for a minute before asking, “Are you mad at me?”
I’m not mad at you, I’m in love with you, I wanted to say, but couldn’t, because I wasn’t ready to face whatever she might say. If she said, “I love you too,” could I trust her after her denial this morning? And if she didn’t say it back…
That morning when she’d denied our relationship so easily, I’d felt the cracks running their way through my heart, and now, it felt like I was barely holding it together until I could be alone.
“Amelia?” She cut into my thoughts again. “Can you talk to me? Is there anything I can do to make whatever this is better?”
I closed my eyes and took in a deep, painful breath. “I think your no-dating-co-stars policy was the right call.”
“What?”
Was the hurt in her face real? I looked out the window so I wouldn’t have to face that question.
“I think it’s a mistake for us to date. To hang out. To...” I’d been about to say fuck, but a lump in my throat cut me off. It hadn’t been fucking to me. It’d been something so, so much more. And I never wanted it to end.
But it had to.
“You were right. This could all fall apart and ruin the movie.” My voice dropped so that it was barely a whisper. “Especially if one of us develops feelings that the other doesn’t share.”
Jessica’s eyes went wide. “Are you saying—”
“I’m saying I don’t want to do this anymore.” My hands balled into fists and I willed myself to get angry. For any emotion to replace the pain and sadness cutting through me. But for the first time, my temper had left me and I just felt crushed.
I dared a glance back at Jessica. Her face had gone completely blank, like she couldn’t comprehend what I was saying.