“Hey, you’re going to get soap in my eyes.” I swatted at her.
“I will if you keep wriggling. Hold still.”
I folded my arms over my chest as I waited for Jessica to finish grooming me. Which took a long time. After she rinsed the shampoo from my hair, she felt the need to condition it. Then she wanted to rub her expensive body wash all over me. I let her. How could I not? It seemed to make her so happy to take care of people. Even these little things brought a smile to her face.
As she scrubbed the soap into my body with a fancy looking sponge, I remembered what I’d been about to say when we’d been in bed.
“I love you.”
Why had I wanted to say that? It couldn’t be true, could it? I swallowed. Sure, I loved spending time with Jessica. I loved thinking about her. And I definitely loved having sex with her. But that didn’t mean I was in love with her, did it?
Did it?
Maybe those words had just felt so natural after I’d said them so many times for the film. It was just a reflex. That must’ve been it. Yeah, that was definitely it.
“All clean.” Jessica smiled up at me from the crouched position she’d taken up to scrub my feet.
Of course she had to dry me off afterwards, and I didn’t even complain about the rough way she toweled my hair. I’d never be able to smooth it now that she’d fluffed it up, but the only one who’d see me was her, so I guess she could deal with it.
Marshmallow was already snoring on the bed when we walked back into the bedroom. Jess and I flopped into the blankets, arms around one another. I’d never felt closer to anyone in my life. Not even previous boyfriends. Maybe what I felt for her was love. As I dozed off in her arms, I knew that if I didn’t love her now, it would only be a matter of time before I did.
***
I woke to Jessica’s phone ringing. I rolled over and hid under the pillow to drown out the melodious ring tone. Jessica reached for it groggily, not even lifting her head as she said into the phone, “Hello?”
I could just barely make out a woman’s voice on the other end. I heard my name and my ears perked up.
“Me and Amelia?” Jessica sounded sleepily confused. “No, we’re not dating. What photos?”
Not dating? The words stabbed in my chest. Sure, we’d never labeled our relationship and that had been fine with me for now, but to hear Jessica outright deny it hurt more than I’d ever thought possible.
I strained my ears to catch pieces of the woman’s speech. “Holding hands at a pet store… out to dinner five times… piles of photos.”
“Amelia and I are just friends,” Jessica said between yawns. “There’s nothing to worry about.”
I couldn’t listen anymore. I pressed the pillow against my ears to drown out everything Jessica was saying. After what we’d done last night, after what I’d almost said to her, she wouldn’t even admit that we were dating?
She finally got off the phone and cuddled up to me. I pulled away, only for her to scooch close again. I sat up, throwing the pillow off the bed.
“Who were you talking to?” I asked.
“My publicist,” she said without opening her eyes.
“Why did you tell her we’re not dating?”
She finally opened her eyes, looking concerned and even a little scared. “Because… we’re not?”
“Then what the hell do you call this?” I gestured between our naked bodies.
“We’re just… really good friends.”
“What the actual fuck, Jess?”
“Look, I don’t date co-stars, okay? There’s too much risk of a relationship blowing up and ruining the movie.”
Did she really think that calling this something other than dating would change the fact that we had real feelings for each other? At least… I had real feelings for her.
“I think I should go.” I stood, grabbing for my clothes.