Amelia
Perspiration wetted my brow as I finished cleaning. I didn’t want to be caught off guard like I’d been the last time Jess came over and saw my hovel in all its grimy glory. The small bunch of yellow flowers I’d picked up on the way home helped to make the place less dreary, but there was no hiding the fact that I lived in a mouse hole.
Well, she hadn’t judged me the last time she’d come over. That was something I loved about Jess. She never seemed to judge anyone. Ever. Even when I acted like a complete jerk, she just smiled and shrugged it off like she hadn’t even noticed. It was almost terrifying how comfortable she made me feel. I mean, it was terrifying how much I loved it. Wanted more of it. And of her.
I plucked the Madeline Stevens book off my shelf, remembering how Jessica had said To Swim with Swans had meant something to her at a dark time in her life. What dark time had she been talking about? It made my heart hurt to think she’d gone through anything horrible. Maybe she’d been hurt by a breakup like I had.
I tried to read as I waited for her to knock on the door, but I was so nervous and excited, I cou
ldn’t focus on the words at all. I was still a little scared of what might happen between us, but I knew I wanted it. That day during rehearsal had been so hot, and sweet—and, well, fun. I liked having fun with Jessica. And it just happened that our idea of having fun was making out and fooling around.
Unable to pretend to read anymore, I got up from the futon and wiped down the table again, then rearranged the flowers, then double-checked to make sure I had clean wine glasses. Suddenly it occurred to me that I should have something to offer her to eat. Horror struck me as I realized the only food in my house was a bag of rice and a pack of hot dogs. Not even any buns, because who could afford hot dog buns?
I picked up my phone to check my bank balance, hoping I had enough money to order a pizza or something. Which was when when I saw her text.
>Jessica: Sorry, something came up. I’ll have to take a raincheck. :(
Suddenly, even the cheerful flowers couldn’t lighten up my dreary apartment anymore. I tried to reign in my disappointment as I texted back.
>Amelia: No worries. Maybe we’ll reschedule some other time.
It took a while for Jessica to respond, but when she did, the little smiley emoticon in her message made my own face light up in a grin. What the hell was it about her that could make me smile so easily?
I sighed, wishing she were here right now. Something had probably come up with her puppy. She’d drop everything for that little thing. I wondered what it would be like to be an important person in her life. She seemed like she would do anything for a girlfriend… err, I mean, boyfriend… partner...
I made myself some rice with sliced-up hot dogs and sat down in front of Netflix. Wanna take a guess at what movie I put on?
Maid for You wasn’t nearly as bad as the reviews made it out to be. Sure, the plot wasn’t winning any Oscars, but Jessica pretending to be a maid, scrubbing floors and doing dishes? C’mon. The movie was fucking adorable. And maybe it meant something more to me now that I knew she really was as sweet as she acted in her movies. I couldn’t believe how dumb Oliver Colt was for breaking up with her. Did he have any clue what he’d given up?
Maybe he was allergic to dogs too.
When the film moved to the more romantic (okay, fine, sexual) scenes, I felt a twinge of desire as well as an odd jealousy. Those were the things Jessica and I should’ve been doing right now. There was one particular scene where they were kissing in the rain. Normally, I’d be looking at how the water made Oliver’s t-shirt cling to his biceps, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Jessica, or the way she held him passionately as they kissed, the way her hands got lost in his hair.
My breathing sped up as I fought the urge to touch myself. Then I realized—why was I fighting it?
‘You don’t have to be worried or scared about being attracted to me. Just don’t think so much about it.’
My mind went blank as I slid my hands down my pants. I paused the video on a scene of Jessica and Oliver in bed together, except only she was in the frame, looking down as if it were me she was on top of. Both her dimples showed and her sweet blue eyes twinkled with kindness.
I grabbed for the vibrator in my nightstand, teasing it against my clit as I imagined what Jessica and I might’ve been doing if she were there right now. Her hands in my hair, our lips locked together. Ragged breath hitching, giving way to moans. Pressed so close.
All the tension and desire exploded out of me in waves as my muscles shook with my climax. Oh God, I wished she was here.
Her smile filled my vision as I came down from my climax. I buried my face in my pillow, grinning. When had anyone ever made me feel this way?
With perspiration cooling and becoming sticky on my skin, I got up to shower. You can probably guess where my mind went once I was under the stream of hot water.
After I’d dried off, I flopped into bed. Usually this was the part of the day where I’d lay awake, thinking of all the mistakes I’d made and what a horrible abyss my life was, but an odd peacefulness settled over me.
I took out my phone and re-read the last text Jessica had sent to me.
>Jessica: looking forward to it. :)
How could a colon and a parenthesis bring a smile to my face? And more than that, peace to my mind? All the anxiety that usually devoured me was silent. Was this what happiness felt like? I could see why people liked being happy.
I pulled open a browser on my phone and typed “Jessica Black” into a search bar. Photos of her gorgeous smile populated the top of the screen. I clicked through a couple that led me to her twitter account. There was a photo of her in a restaurant with Oliver Colt where she looked just gorgeous, tight dress, winning smile. She really couldn’t take a bad photo. Then I did a double take at the date. A cold chill washed over me. The photo had been taken less than an hour ago.
I read the caption: ‘No place I’d rather be than out with my guy.’