I shook my head. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if I could get myself in front of a drum set again. I’m afraid that last night was just a fluke.”
“Well… why don’t you try again?” she asked. “Try to play your drums again.”
Play my drums again.
Thinking about it, I could feel the faint bubbling of anxiety from deep down inside me. It wasn’t as bad as it had been before, but it was still there. Could I even do it?
“I don’t know,” I said. “What if I can’t?”
“Then you keep working at it. You can’t be afraid forever, Kendra. Tell you what. Why don’t you play for me? I’ll be your moral support.”
“I don’t know,” I said again. “Maybe.”
Melany took my hand and squeezed it. “I’m not going to give up on you, Kendra. After hearing you play last night, there’s no way I could ever let you just give that up. The street drumming is badass and all—you’re an amazing street drummer—but hearing you play on a real kit was sublime. So how about this? We go to your place, and you can see how you feel there. If you can’t play, then… we can make out on the couch or something.”
I laughed. “Alright, alright. You’ve convinced me. Can we make out on the couch anyway? My roommate is gone.”
“Well, fuck. Screw the drums, let’s just make out for the rest of the day!”
After finishing lunch, we drove back to the house, and I struggled to keep the anxiety from churning its way up and taking its hold in my chest. Melany seemed to sense it, and she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me close against her as we walked up to the front door.
“Nice place,” she commented when I let us inside. “It’s very cozy.”
“It’s my roommate’s house,” I said. “Her parents own it.”
Melany plonked down onto the couch, and then patted the space next to her. “Come on, it’s make out time.”
I laughed and joined her. She drew her arm around me, and I leaned in to kiss her. I immediately felt all the tension unwind from my chest as I melted against her, slipping my arms around her. I felt electric, like energy was buzzing between our lips and tongues as they touched.
“Is that it?” she asked, nodding towards my sheet-covered drum kit.
“Yeah, that’s it.”
“I’d love to hear you play it.”
I breathed out a sigh. “I really have to do this, don’t I?”
“Yes. I’m not leaving you alone until you try. It’s important, Kendra. We could get a bottle of wine, or something, if that would make it easier.”
I shook my head. “No, if I’m going to do it, it has to be sober. I can’t keep using alcohol as my crutch.”
“Okay. Fair enough.”
I stood up and walked over to my drums, and then yanked away the sheet. It billowed in the air and fluttered to the ground. I walked around behind my kit, and then dropped myself down onto the stool. Melany watched eagerly from the couch. My heart thudded as I picked up my sticks.
I can do this. I think I can actually do this.
“Give me a moment to tune the drums,” I said. “They haven’t been played in a while.”
“Yeah. Take your time, there’s no rush.”
I went through and tuned each piece of my kit, going slowly. It was strange to hear its familiar sound again.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s see.”
I hovered the sticks above the pads, and I realized my hands were shaking. Suddenly, I could hear Dr. Adler’s voice in my head telling me I was no good. The shaking grew until my whole body was trembling.
Come on, Kendra. Come on.