“Oh, that? It’s a drama-comedy about queer teenagers in England…” I said, trailing off.
“Is it good?”
“Yeah, it’s super good,” I said.
“Let’s watch this, then,” said Margie, clicking on it. The next episode loaded and started playing, and I opened the ice cream and handed her a spoon.
We were sitting pretty far on the couch, but we had to sit closer together to share the ice cream. I could feel the heat from her body and I desperately wanted to be closer, but I didn’t want to spook her.
That was all right, though. I had time.
10
MARGIE
T he anxiety I felt when I looked at my phone and saw the missed calls from Brianne had been awful. The whole evening had been horribly stressful. And the prospect of seeing Brianne again had been stressful too, but I’d done it anyway because I felt like I owed her—and I wanted to see her.
Cass and I had a friendly rapport, but today’s incident had brought our relationship to a new level—a level at which we could really be friends.
I’d been studying up in my room, trying to get work done before the date, when Cass had called me, distraught and urgent, from the kitchen. Her scream had startled me and I raced down the stairs to find her lying on the floor clutching her knee.
She’d told me it had suddenly seized up and started hurting terribly. After a moment of discussion, we decided she had to go to the ER. Since it was so close and Rosebridge had no traffic, we took her car. I was rusty at driving, but I managed, even with poor Cass moaning in the back seat.
I helped her check in and sat with her, and I hadn’t even thought to look at my phone. Eventually, Marnie came to stay with Cass, so I left in Cass’s car.
And that was when I realized I’d completely forgotten about the date, in the chaos. I stopped at the store to get ice cream, left the car at our house, and hightailed it to Brianne’s. I was glad she wasn’t too mad. It really had been a freak occurrence.
And now I was here, not in that fancy restaurant, where we would be a comfortable distance from each other, but in Brianne’s apartment, on her couch. With no one else around, and no roommate who was going to show up later.
It kind of seemed like anything could happen, and truth be told, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to happen. More kissing would be nice, but in the privacy of Brianne’s house, it seemed like things could go farther. I couldn’t decide if I wanted it or not. Or rather, I did want it, because goodness knows I’d fantasized so much, but the thought of acting upon those fantasies terrified me.
It felt like it would open a whole can of worms I wasn’t used to addressing. But then again, I’d already opened that can. The worms were wiggling out everywhere.
“You okay?” asked Brianne.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, realizing I’d been spacing out into my thoughts. “I guess it’s just been a crazy day.”
“I understand,” said Brianne, holding the ice cream out to me. “Here, have more.”
The ice cream was good, and so was Brianne’s company, but I couldn’t get into the TV show we were watching. It looked interesting, but my brain was buzzing too much and I felt restless, like I wanted to talk, like I had all these thoughts inside me that needed to be said.
I stuck it out until the episode ended. “Sorry I’ve been so spacey,” I said. “I’ve just had so much to think about, I guess.”
“Yeah. I mean, when I met you, you didn’t even think you were into women,” said Brianne carefully.
“Exactly. It’s just a lot, you know? And a lot of people figure it out when they’re in high school, but the older you get, the weirder it is,” I said.
“You’re not the only one,” said Brianne. “Plenty of people learn stuff about themselves only in college, or later.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I just… So much in my life has changed recently, and I don’t know how to handle it.”
Brianne put a comforting arm around me, her hand on my shoulder. It made me feel warm and comfortable, but it also made me a little nervous.
The ice cream was sitting on the table; we’d managed to polish off the pint. A couple of drops were slowly trickling down the outside of the container.
I turned to Brianne, finding myself nestling a little closer to her. I couldn’t help it; it was like I was magnetically attracted to her. I’d never been this attracted to anyone before in my life.
“Do you wanna make out?” she asked.