I wasn’t sure what would happen after that, and the thought was simply too arousing to even consider. I kept rubbing myself as I imagined this intoxicating scenario, and when I finally came, it was one of the best orgasms I’d had in a while.
I lay in bed for a few minutes, letting my breathing and my heart rate calm down. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I felt like everything I was doing was propelling me further toward a certain conclusion—the conclusion that I really was a lesbian after all. (Or bisexual. Or asexual. But definitely not straight.)
Once I’d decided to embark on this journey of self-exploration, it seemed like I really was learning a lot about myself. And what I’d learned today was that I was definitely at least a little bit interested in women. I wasn’t straight. I didn’t want to put another label on myself just yet, but not-straight was definitely on the table.
There was just one problem. My family. I wasn’t sure how they’d react. They were more socially conservative, rural people from a small town. We didn’t know anyone who was LGBT—well, except my one cousin. That was probably why it had never occurred to me that I could be into women.
My dad wasn’t really in the picture anymore; he and my mother had separated long ago. I would have been more worried about disappointing him. My mother was a wild card. She didn’t rail against gay rights like he used to, but she didn’t speak up in favor of it either. She didn’t say anything mean about my gay cousin, but she also didn’t seem particularly accepting. With her, it seemed like it could go either way.
I didn’t have to worry about it just yet—after all, maybe my journey of s
elf-exploration would lead me to the conclusion that I was not gay. But I would have to worry about it eventually, and that thought was worrying.
My mom was very important to me. We’d become close after my dad left, and we’d developed a strong bond. I didn’t want to break that bond. I couldn’t help it, though. If this was really who I was…
It was stressful to think about, and I knew a lot of other people had it worse than me. Teenagers got kicked out of their homes, and adult children got disowned.
But right now, I had to focus on what was making me happy—Brianne. I loved spending time with her, feeling like I was worthwhile, like I was someone who deserved a genuine connection with another human being.
As I felt myself get tired, I decided to pull the covers over myself and just go to sleep. And as I closed my eyes, I thought about how lovely it would be to be curled up with someone I loved, in bed—and maybe one day, that someone would be Brianne.
BRIANNE
“I ’m sorry,” said Kaitlyn sheepishly. “I just… I just don’t know if it would make sense for you to play at Shadetree if you aren’t able to come to the practices.”
I sighed. I knew she was right. The Shadetree gig was a big one, and we didn’t want to screw it up. And if I couldn’t practice enough, then I could definitely screw it up somehow.
“I’m pretty good at riffing, though,” I said, knowing I was defeated.
“You are, but if you’re going to be as busy as you say you are…” Kaitlyn trailed off. I knew she wanted me to be there, but there was no point in playing with someone who was woefully underprepared.
“Yeah, it’s just all this work for my classes… It’s killing me. I thought it would let up after midterms, but it just got worse.” I sighed again. My business major was getting in the way of my music, as usual.
“Maybe after graduation, you’ll be more available,” said Kaitlyn. “And that’s not that far. You’ll only miss this gig, and you could probably make it to the next one.”
“You’re right. I could definitely make it to the next one, if Professor Barley hires you again,” I said. I knew Professor Barley would love Kaitlyn, and she’d be a hit with the gallery patrons, so she’d definitely be invited back. Hopefully with me in tow.
“There you go,” said Kaitlyn, reaching out and touching my shoulder. “I am really sorry, by the way.”
“No, no, I’m sorry,” I said. “I bit off more than I can chew.”
“It happens.” Kaitlyn shrugged. “I’m going to have to be careful with that when I finally start giving music lessons.”
“I can imagine,” I said, wondering if I could give music lessons. That was one of the things I’d been rude to Kaitlyn about, but now that I saw it as a way to make money… I could definitely teach some kid to play the violin if I wanted to. And it wasn’t like these kids were going to be the next Itzhak Perlman or Lindsey Stirling either.
“Well, I’ve gotta head out,” I said. “I’m meeting Margie.”
“Oh?” Kaitlyn raised an eyebrow. “For a date?”
I felt myself blush, heat flooding my face. “I… Yeah, it’s a date.”
Kaitlyn pumped her fist in the air. “Yeah! It’s finally happening.”
“What’s finally happening?” I asked, eyes narrowed.
“You and Margie are becoming a thing. Emily and I were practically placing bets on it.” She grinned.
I laughed. “Yeah, it’s a thing. A very small thing, right now.”