The lecture finally came to an end, and I wandered out of the classroom, wondering what to do since I was done with classes for the day. I wasn’t a particularly busy person because I didn’t have much of a social life.
Maybe I could get back into painting.
I let my feet carry me in the direction of the campus bookstore. They didn’t have a lot of art supplies, but they had enough. I’d left all my stuff in my parents’ house, so I had nothing here.
I walked into the bookstore, found my way to the art section, and took a deep breath, loving the smell of paint and canvas and brushes. I picked out a pad of watercolor paper, a student set of watercolors, and some basic brushes. They were cheap, but they would do for now.
I paid for them and then walked home, enjoying the smell of the spring air. What would I paint? I had no idea.
Again, thoughts of Brianne flitted through my head. I remembered thinking how she’d be perfect for a portrait study. Her eyes were truly gray, rather than blue, which was rare. Gray like stone, like storm clouds, like dove feathers. And her hair was a rich brown, like dark soil. And her skin was pale and clear over her cheekbones and sharp jaw. She was really good-looking, and she had that regal air about her that added to the whole effect.
I had a funny feeling in my stomach, the same feeling I got when I saw a hot guy. It wasn’t butterflies, was it? Just because Brianne was so freaking cool?
No, it was something else. I uncomfortably thought about my interest in going to Spectrum Coalition meetings. I’d feel really stupid if I showed up after professing how not-gay I was to everyone. But then I remembered Professor Barley’s kind face, and the pictures of all the students on their website.
Maybe it would be a good place to learn more, at least. If only I could get over my social anxiety.
I unlocked the front door and stepped into the house I shared with Cass. She worked at a coffee shop, so she usually wasn’t around in the afternoons, but Marnie was passed out on the couch. I should have gotten annoyed with her being over so often, but I really didn’t mind. Having more people around made me feel less lonely.
I tried to be quiet as I stepped into the living room to get to the kitchen, but Marnie stirred and stretched. She blinked her eyes at me and tried to sit up. “Hey. What time is it?”
“Like, two?” I said.
“Word.” She sat up fully and tossed the throw off, sitting properly on the couch.
“Cass’s working today, isn’t she?” I asked as I got a glass of juice from the fridge.
“Yeah, she’ll be back in an hour,” said Marnie.
“You want some juice?”
Marnie blinked at me, still brushing off the fog of sleep. “Uh, sure.”
I poured her a glass and handed it to her, then went to sit on the opposite couch from her. We sat silently as we each took long swigs of the cool, refreshing juice. It was starting to get a little warm outside and I found myself sweating a little on the walk home.
“Marnie,” I started, figuring I should fina
lly get to the bottom of it. “Are you and Cass uh, dating?”
Marnie laughed, pushing her unkempt brown hair behind her ears. “Yeah, dude.”
“Oh.” I felt a little dumb, since maybe it should have been more obvious. “I’d been wondering for a while.”
“Yeah. We’re totally dating. It’s even getting serious.”
“Good for you.” I paused, wondering if I should ask Marnie. I didn’t really know her, so it felt alright. “How did you realize you were interested in women?”
Her eyes widened slightly.
“Sorry,” I said quickly. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I’m just curious about how people figure this out about themselves.”
She gave me a knowing look, which I wasn’t sure I liked. “Well… I was never into guys as much as everyone else seemed to be,” she started. “So then I tried dating a girl back in freshman year, and wow. The sexual chemistry was incredible. TMI, I know. But that was pretty much my awakening.”
“So you had a hunch and followed up on it,” I said.
“Basically, yeah.”
“Thanks,” I said.