. I’d heard about them from Abby and a lot of her friends, as well as observing it in pop culture and stuff.
There were dumb ones that seemed arbitrary, like don’t sleep with someone until the third date if I wanted to show them I was serious. Some of them made sense, like always make the reach to pay even if you knew your date was going to insist on paying, so they knew you weren’t a mooch.
The one that was ringing over and over again in my head was that you didn’t get too personal on a first date or in the beginning of a relationship. Like, there were so many things you weren’t supposed to say in an effort to not scare them off. You weren’t supposed to talk about exes or speak about what you wanted in the future.
But before this date had even started, if you could call it one, we’d already broken those rules. We’d spoken very personally with each other from the get-go. And I liked it. I wasn’t scared off by her talking about her ex or the future. I was interested in everything she had to say, and I appreciated her honesty. I liked that it felt like we weren’t playing games.
Did that mean I could be just as honest, too? Because I wanted to be. I felt oddly comfortable with Kaitlyn, and I wanted to be able to just tell her what I was thinking. I had no interest in stressing myself out with the rules of dating. I just wanted to be myself with her as much as possible.
“Can I be painfully honest with you?” I asked her. “Even though we barely know each other, and there are probably things I should keep to myself.”
She smiled at me. “I like painful honesty, I really do. Shoot.”
“When I say nobody has caught my eye before, I mean nobody. Like, I can’t think of a single person that I’ve been attracted to in all my life. Which, I know is, like, super weird, but… whatever. My point is, ever since I saw you at the King’s Tooth, I’ve been thinking about you.”
She looked up from her food, which she had just taken a few bites of. “You have?”
“Yeah… I have. Not that I really know you or anything, but you’re cute, sweet, and interesting, and I think I may have a little bit of a crush on you.”
She was grinning. “Well, I can’t say you’re the first girl I’ve ever been attracted to, but I may have developed a little crush on you, too.”
I tried to hide my elation. “You have?”
“Yeah, I have. I was really regretting the fact that I didn’t grab your number the other day. You’ve been on my mind ever since. Which I thank you for, because when you’re on my mind, that means Julia isn’t.”
So I was filling her head space instead of her ex… that felt nice.
“I’m happy to help,” I said, trying to match her same cocky nature when she flirted, though I wasn’t nearly as confident as she was.
I’d gotten what I’d wanted off my chest. She knew that I liked her, so now I was trying to think of a way to turn the conversation to something less awkward. Thankfully, she did it for me.
“You said you used to babysit your cousins. Are you close to your family?”
“Ha!” I laughed sarcastically. “No, not at all. I mean, I see them for holidays, but we have a very… odd relationship.”
“Yeah?” she asked. “How so?”
God, where to even begin…
“Let’s just say, my parents are very unemotional. They took a weird approach to child-rearing. They expected a lot of perfection from me but didn’t give a lot of affection. They aren’t the kind of parents you can go to and talk about how you feel. So, I kind of always just… did what they wanted of me, and that’s about it. They were proud of me when I did well. At least, they said the words ‘we’re proud,’ but there wasn’t a lot of emotion behind it. And when I didn’t do well, I’d be reprimanded. I think that’s the extent of our relationship.”
She frowned. “God, that sounds awful.”
I shrugged. “I do think they were emotionally neglectful, but there are worse situations to grow up in, right? It’s not as if they were ever very volatile or anything. They were… nothing, really. We just aren’t close. I guess I can thank them for my impeccable academic record.”
“Up until earlier this week, you mean,” she joked, letting me off the hook with talking about my family more. Which I appreciated, because I really didn’t care to.
“Ugh, yeah, I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about that. Got my grade back; I got a D. It’s really going to screw with my average in the class.”
“I’m sure being as good as you are at school, it won’t be a problem for you to make up for it.”
I sighed. “I don’t know. Lately, things are getting harder. Back in high school, I could get As in everything so easily, you know? I studied, I knew the material, and I passed with flying colors. Now things are complicated, and it’s like, the more complicated they get, the quicker I lose interest.”
“Lose interest?” she asked. “Shouldn’t this be the time in your education when you’re most interested, since you have all these classes focused on your major rather than boring gen-eds?”
I sighed. “Yeah, you would think. But, I don’t know, I’m starting to wonder if engineering was the right decision for me at all. I just don’t feel passionate about it lately. I’m really jealous of people like you.”
She laughed. “People like me? What could you possibly be jealous of?”