Even beyond that, I app
reciated having something that woke me up early. I was the kind of person who really only needed six hours of sleep to function, but when I was depressed, I’d sleep in all day. That only made me feel more depressed.
With Ryan waking me up, I was able to force myself to get out of bed and say good morning to him. And after he left, I would make myself get ready to go out into the world.
Ever since my first day, I’d gone out with my guitar and performed on busy corners around Beasley. Surprisingly, it had been pretty decent money for the amount of foot traffic. I had quite a few people stop and listen to me, and I’d managed to rake in forty to sixty dollars every day. It had only been a few days, of course, but if things stayed like this, I could make a good little chunk of change for myself. Nothing amazing, but certainly enough to live on. I could offer Ryan rent money or get out of his hair, if he wanted.
And that was on top of what I’d make doing lessons. For the first time since the break-up, I was starting to feel happy. Like I could make a little home for myself in Rosebridge. One of the biggest struggles with a break-up after a long-term relationship was that you’d made a bunch of plans with your partner, so when you left them, it felt like your future left you, too. Everything you’d once imagined your life might be with them came crashing down, and suddenly, you didn’t even know what was going to happen to your life.
That was what it was like for me, anyway. And the only way to heal from that kind of pain was to start imagining a new life… imagining a new future, without that person. A future centered on yourself and what you wanted. I was starting to force myself to do that, as much as I could. I didn’t want to continue pining for him pathetically. I wanted to be my own person again.
Here in Rosebridge, maybe I could do that.
I walked out into the kitchen to find Ryan dressed for work, hovering over the stove. Usually he cooked before he dressed, since he wore business suits to work, so this was different from the last few days I’d woken up with him.
“Hey, I made too many scrambled eggs. Do you want some?”
“Sure, that sounds great,” I said as I grabbed a plate from the kitchen cabinets and sat down at his table.
“What are you going to be up to today?” he asked, scooping eggs onto my plate out of the skillet.
“Oh, just go play some more guitar, see where that gets me.”
“Fun!” he said, and it didn’t sound sarcastic.
Like with Emily, I didn’t feel that Ryan judged me for being a musician. Or maybe he did, and his overly enthusiastic demeanor just masked it. Either way, I wasn’t uncomfortable talking to him about it, even though he was pretty successful.
And though he was very successful, I never envied him. He went to work early, and he came home late, always exhausted, always eating baked chicken and broccoli on the couch after working out at the gym.
This was what I’d been talking about when I’d spoken to Emily about a scheduled life. Ryan’s life seemed horribly, tragically boring. I knew he was happy with it, but still, the thought of living like him made me just the slightest bit nauseated. I just didn’t know how the hell he could maintain his lifestyle and not get sick of it.
“Anything out of the ordinary for you?” I asked him.
“Nope, just work. Oh, I have an after-work meeting, so I’ll be home later than usual.”
“Are you still going to the gym after?” I asked.
“Yep!” he said, in his usual enthusiastic way. “Every day except the weekends!”
I smiled at him. “It might not kill you to let up a little, you know,” I encouraged.
“And it doesn’t kill me to keep going!” he said with a grin as he scarfed eggs into his mouth.
It was the first time this had occurred to me, but maybe his need to always be on the go wasn’t because he was a total workaholic, but rather because he was trying to avoid the pain of his recent break-up. That would make sense… it was certainly a feeling I could relate to, though I handled it a bit differently.
He must have been running late this morning. That explained why he was already wearing his suit before cooking and was in a rush to eat. Normally he sat down and seemed to enjoy his food. This morning, he was stuffing his face at the counter as he poured coffee into his travel mug.
“Okay, I’ve got to go,” he said as he started screwing on the lid to his mug. “I’ll see you later. Oh, by the way, if you want to go grocery shopping, you know you can borrow my credit card for some food. It’s in the drawer.”
God, he was so generous. He had always been a seriously nice guy, but I’d never known just how nice.
“Oh Ryan, that’s super awesome of you, but I’ve been making enough money playing guitar to get my own food. It’s not a problem. And, hey, if things go as well as they have been going, I’ll be able to contribute to rent next month, too, if you don’t mind having me around still.”
He squished up his face and gave a quick wave of his hand. “No, no, you don’t need to contribute, it’s not a big deal. I really don’t mind having you around at all. Anyway, I’ll see you later?”
“Yep,” I said, nodding at him, “see you later.”
After he left, I finished up my eggs at a much slower pace than he had and then got dressed, grabbed my guitar, and left.