“And we haven’t lost yet. Come on, our track record is pretty damn good at this point.”
“We get lucky,” he argues. The fact that he’s still second-guessing shows me that he’s even more worried than I thought. Tonight hit him hard. “I brought humans into this world, Bronywyn. Humans who can get hurt and die. Who one of us could accidentally hurt.” He gently deposits me to the side and gets out of the bed. He rubs both hands over his face, and I realize exactly why he’s so upset.
Felix’s injuries, sure.
The risk to Deissy, absolutely.
But most of all, he’s pissed at himself for his earlier reaction to Felix’s blood.
“It’s been a while since you fed,” I remind him. “Really fed, too. Not what I gave you the day the council nearly killed you.”
He turns toward me. “Which is another reason I’m dangerous to Deissy and Felix.”
“Only if you don’t feed.”
“You do know that feeding doesn’t make me want their blood any less, right? I’m still an animal despite being full.”
“First of all, you’re not an animal. And second, I know that. But it does make it easier to manage the lust, doesn’t it?”
He turns away from me again and walks toward the window. I can see his pain—feel it as though it were my own. What I don’t understand, though, is why he won’t talk to me about it. Why he’s insisting on handling it himself. I thought we were past this, and the fact that we’re clearly not is frustrating. “Why aren’t you talking to me?”
His shoulders hang low as he drops his hands to the windowsill. “We are talking.”
“Barely. What’s going on, Tarnley? What aren’t you telling me?”
“I feel fucking hopeless!” he whispers loudly as he turns to face me. Eyes wide, he looks utterly terrified. “I don’t see a single chance of us walking away from this. So what’s left? We clean house as best we can until they kill us?”
“Which will make way for others to come in and finish the job.”
“I don’t want others to finish the job, Bronywyn. I don’t want to have to bury any more of my fucking friends.”
His voice cracks, and he drops down into the chair, so I push up from the bed and walk over, sinking to my knees in front of him. I reach up and take both of his hands in mine. “I wish I could promise that you won’t have to.”
A muscle in his jaw tightens, and he closes his eyes for a brief moment. The weight of everything we’re facing…it pins us all down, but tonight, almost losing Deissy and Felix, that’s a burden he believes he carries alone.
And no matter how many times I try to tell him that he doesn’t, that we all gave them access to this world—this fight—Tarnley will continue to bear it. Alone.
A soft sigh leaves his lips. “I know we can’t walk away,” he finally says. “But I can be fucking pissed we were put in this position in the first place.”
“Absolutely.” I stand and climb into his lap, straddling him. The air around us shifts, the tension morphing into something else as I lean down and press my lips to his. Large hands tighten on my hips and I feel his length harden beneath me. I pull back and stare into his crimson eyes. “Now,” I whisper. “Bite me.”
His pupils dilate while his fangs elongate. The effect my words have on him pushes my already hammering pulse even faster.
Tarnley swallows hard. “I haven’t eaten for a while. I could hurt you.”
“I can handle myself,” I tell him.
“I’ll be rough.”
I drop my face closer to his, my lips a mere breath away from his. “Even better.”
My muscles turn liquid as Tarnley’s hand slips up my back and into my hair. He wraps the golden strands around his fingers and pulls back, exposing my throat. I hold my breath, afraid that any move I make might have him reconsidering. But instead of pulling away, Tarnley leans in and traces his tongue over my pounding pulse. The warmth of his tongue, combined with the heat of his breath against my skin, has me moaning in desperation. “Please, Tarnley.”
I’m instantly wet, prepared for anything and everything he’s going to give me. He leans in.
“Wait.”
“What?” He releases my hair, and I tilt my face back down.