Moregan and Bea chuckle.
“It all feels so selfish.”
“What better time to be a tad selfish?” Shana questions. “Ye’r dying. I tell ye, if I knew I was on my way out?” She chuckles. “I would be doing whatever the hell I chose.”
“I don’t want to be the reason this world falls apart.”
“Ye put an awful lot on ye’r shoulders,” Ashta says.
“Quite a lot,” Shana agrees.
“You cannot focus on what might or might not happen.” Bea wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Not when you have such little time left. And if you truly believe you being together is what will send Raffe over the edge once you’re gone…you’re kidding yourself.”
“It just feels like accepting what’s between us is such a big step.”
The women chuckle again, their soft laughter welcome in this moment of heaviness. “I tell ye, if you think for a second he hasn’t already accepted it, ye’r a fool.”
I let her words sink in. Even I know I’m being foolish. And for the first time since meeting him, I wonder if maybe my reasons for wanting to keep him away are more selfish than me wanting to pull him close.
Is itmeI’m worried about? That moving forward and truly loving Rafferty will make me weak when it comes to accepting my fate?
The women change the subject and begin chatting happily about their lives and their husbands as I do my best to force a smile when, inside, I’m in agony over a decision that I’m fairly certain I have almost no control over anyway.