If someone had told me when this all started that I’d feel safe in Cayde St. Vincent’s arms, I’d have thought they were high. But I don’t have any objection, tonight at least, to him laying me down in his bed or the feeling of his heavy, muscled body sinking into the mattress next to me.
“I don’t normally cuddle,” I hear him say and feel him moving closer to me. “But tonight, I’ll make an exception.”
I want to tell him that it’s fine, that I don’t even know if Iwantto cuddle with him past tonight, but I’m too tired to say anything. And for tonight, at least, the warm weight of Cayde’s arm over my stomach, the brush of his breath on my neck, and the feeling of his body next to mine are exactly what I need after what we just did in the study.
I’ll figure out my emotions later. For tonight, I just need to give in.
So I do.
Cayde
I’ve never slept in the same bed with a girl before.
My mode of operations has always been the same—get them into my bed, fuck them, get them out. I like my space and my privacy, and I like having all of my bed to myself.
But for the first time, tonight, IwantAthena in my bed, next to me, while I sleep. I want to know that she’s here and safe, protected. After what we did tonight, the three of us, I feel a strange protectiveness, something entirely different from the possessive, obsessive urges that I’ve had in the past.
I’m exhausted, but my mind keeps flicking back to the study, to Dean and I sharing her without issue, and most of all to how easily he gave in when I said I wanted her with me tonight. I’ll never be glad for what happened to Athena when she was kidnapped. Still, it seems that having a common enemy and a common purpose has had more far-reaching implications than I would have thought.
If Dean and I can work together, share power and our girl, instead of fighting one another, it will change everything.
The wild card, of course, is Jaxon.
I can’t help but wonder what Athena is thinking as far as Jaxon is concerned. Does she still want him, or has his detached, careless attitude when it comes to her turned her off completely?
It’s not that the idea of her being with Jaxon bothers me, exactly. I’ve shared girls in the past with Jaxon the same as with Dean. It’s more that none of us know where Jaxon’s head is at right now, and that’s a dangerous place for us all to be in. Jaxon is supposed to be one of us, but he’s acting—and has been—as if he wants nothing to do with any of it.
I’m not entirely sure that he can be trusted any longer.
I don’t entirely know if I can trust Athena, either. But I find myselfwantingto. For the first time in my life, I want more than just sex with a girl. I want the possibility of something real.
Something that I’d told myself was never possible for someone like me. That I’d never be able to trust or open up to anyone. That the scars on my back matched the ones on my soul too closely for me to allow myself to be vulnerable.
I’m still not ready to be completely vulnerable with her. But the desire is there. And that’s a first in and of itself.
Despite how exhausted I am, my sleep isn’t exactly restful. At first, I’m just dreaming about the party, about fucking Athena in front of everyone, remembering how hot it was, how she’d begged for me, the intense pleasure of sinking my cock into her for the first time, possessing her and making her mine for everyone to see.
But then the dream shifts. Instead of begging for it, she’s trying to push me away, turning her head so that I have to force her mouth open to thrust myself inside, trying to escape me as I hold her down on the table. In the dream, she’s screaming,no, no, no, but I keep going, keep fucking her, hold her face down as I come hard, coating her lips and cheek with my cum as the crowd around me cheers me on.
In the dream, they’re following me as I pick her up, carrying her outside into the cold night air. Suddenly we’re by the muddy ditch where we’d found her, but it’s not some faceless strangers tossing her into it. Instead, it’sme, throwing her over the embankment naked into the muddy water, her skin cut and bruised,meturning away and leaving her there to die, to drown in a few inches of filthy water.
I wake up with a jolt, the dark room slowly coming into focus as I catch my breath and try to slow my racing heart. It only takes me a second to realize that Athena is curled up next to me, softly breathing as she sleeps, not still in a ditch somewhere. But the dream itself lingers with me, leaving me feeling wide-awake and unsettled.
I’d never have done what those fuckers did to any girl. Abusing someone to the extent that they did Athena, leaving her to die, naked and exposed to the elements, is beyond even the scope of my ability to torment someone. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been someone who just tossed girls aside, who used and hurt them and then treated them like shit if they tried to say anything to me about it. I’ve used countless women for my own pleasure.
But this entire experience with Athena has made me want to be different. I’d planned since that long-ago day in the library to use her and throw her away, to satisfy my obsession with her, use her to win the town, and then toss her aside as I’ve done with so many others. To treat her as nothing but an object for my own pleasure when I need to be satisfied.
I’d wanted to break her, and I’d obsessed over that for years. But I hadn’t counted on how strong she’d be. How much she’d fight me and her own desires. I was used to girls who threw themselves at me, who were willing to debase themselves just for a chance at having me inside of them.
I’ve never in my life met anyone like Athena, someone who could go through everything she has and still come out fighting. Someone who would refuse to break, who was stronger than I’d ever expected—maybe even too strong. She’s a challenge, and strangely I find that—more attractive than I ever would have thought.
I never saw Athena as a partner, only as a toy. But now I’m beginning to think that there’s something more to her. That if Dean and I can share power, she could be good at our side.
She stirs next to me, and I feel a throb of desire run through me—but not for what we did earlier. Not for her submission or to punish her. I want something else, something that I’ve never wanted with any woman before.
Intimacy.
I reach out, brushing her hair away from her cheek gently. She lets out a soft whimper, squirming backward against me, and my cock stiffens, my hips leaning into her almost of their own accord.