That’s why I came out tonight. Viktor had asked me if I’d wanted to come along with him and Levin, scouting out Binding Ties, the premiere Boston sex club where anyone with darker tastes held a membership. He’s looking both for ideas for his own clubs and the possibility of girls to poach to work for him. While Levin is ostensibly with him for protection, I don’t know many men who would turn down the opportunity. Alessio was invited along as well in Luca’s stead. When Viktor asked me to come along as well, I agreed instantly.
I thought it would help get my mind off of Saoirse. I don’t have plans to break my promise not to fuck anyone else until our bargain is complete, but there’s plenty that I can enjoy without slipping my dick into another woman. Plenty to remind me of the life I lived before and why I have no reason to want anything else.
Certainly not a monogamous marriage or love with a woman I’m not even sure I can trust.
We’re met by a gorgeous blonde in a red latex skirt and bullet bra, her hair loose and curly around her shoulders, wearing white fishnets and red patent heels. I see Alessio and Levin both looking at her appreciatively, and Viktor smiles politely at her.
“We’re interested in the process of membership,” he tells her. “As well as a chance to look around and enjoy your club for the evening before we decide.”
Viktor, of course, isn’t going to get a membership. Caterina would probably skin him alive. But both Alessio and Levin have curious expressions, and I have a feeling that she might be selling at least one person here on a membership tonight.
It might be me. I look around as she explains the process to us, leading us into the club so that we can see the floorplan and amenities. I half-listen as she points out the dual black lacquered bars on either side of the room, the St. Andrew’s crosses, and other structures, describing the fully stocked private rooms, the hot tubs, and the downstairs nooks. She goes over the rules, which are the standard everywhere, and I nod in all the right places as I consider the possibility of simply establishing myself at a new club.
A new start. New women. A new place to go when my draw towards Saoirse feels unmanageable. When I feel myself falling too much in—lust with my wife.
I’d very nearly thought a different word. A word that has no place in our life or our marriage.
Being here isn’t helping, either. All it does is make me think of the last time I was in an establishment like this with Saoirse—what she did, what we did together. The sounds she made, the way she reacted, the way she made me feel out of my mind with need. The way she became a different woman than I would have ever expected.
It had all been on a dare, but she’d come alive under my touch.
By the time we’re at the bar drinking, Viktor discussing the merits of the club and his hopes for his own businesses, I’m barely listening to him. I feel desperate, needing to think about anything, anyone, other than Saoirse, and seemingly unable to. It’s like she’s possessed me, put me under a spell, and I feel as if all I want to do is pay my bill, go home, and fuck her blind.
But doing that would be tantamount to admitting my feelings for her. Admitting that she’s won, that she has power over me, that she dragged me back here and made me hers. That I’m helpless when it comes to my desire and my feelings for her.
I glance over to see a woman swaying towards me, tall and curvy with shoulder-length curly black hair and dark eyes, a deep crimson dress clinging to every inch of her so tightly that I can imagine how the shapes of her would feel in my hands. She’s wearing red lipstick to match, and her full lips curve up in a smile when my eyes meet hers.
“Hey there, handsome,” she says with a grin, just as I notice Levin and Alessio drifting off with their own; Viktor perched at the bar as he takes it all in. I’m not sure I can be relied on to actively listen to Viktor’s business talk right now. All I want is to drown out the thoughts of Saoirse, to replace them with anything else.
“Hi.” I give her a charming smile, leaning against the bar as I take a sip of my whiskey. “Looking for something?”
“I think I found it.” She grins, tossing her dark hair back. “You look lonely, and I’m not here to play around. Well—Iamhere to play, but you know—”
“I do.” I raise an eyebrow. “Do you have a room?”
“No, not a private one. I don’t mind being shown off, though.” She winks at me. “Or if you have a room, I’m happy to play in private.”
“I don’t. But—” I pause, considering. Rooms can be rented for a night. But why not go ahead and reserve one?It’s not as if I won’t use it in the future.Of course, I will. I’m not going to suddenly change and become devoted to one woman just because Saoirse has gotten under my skin and made me feel as if I’m slowly losing my mind. I’m going to carry on just as I always have, just as soon as she shows me a positive pregnancy test.
“But I was planning on arranging one tonight,” I finish as the black-haired woman watches me with expectant, eager eyes. “I’m new here in town. This is my first night at this club.”
“Ah, so I get to be the welcome wagon.” She flashes me another pearly, laughing smile. “You can ride me as far and as long as you want.”
I’m sure I won’t be the first or the last.
The thought startles me. I’ve never cared how many partners the women I’ve slept with have had—in fact, I’ve always preferred women with experience. And I’ve certainly never cared what they did after. Not until Saoirse, who managed to arouse me beyond belief with her innocence and naivete, and has made me feel real, blinding jealousy for the first time in my life.
I still can’t bring myself to think about what would have happened at the gym if Jacob hadn’t pulled me off of Niall.
The truth is, I very well might have killed him, and it’s a troubling realization. I’ve lost control of my impulses, my desires, and tonight feels like a desperate attempt to rein them back in, to go back to being the invulnerable and careless man that I was when it came to matters of the flesh and the heart.
I pay for the room, signing an annual contract that costs as much as a year’s rent on the condo I’d briefly shared with Saoirse, but money isn’t the issue. It’s what I’ll do up there and if I can break free of the hold that Saoirse has on me.
Do I even want to, anymore?
I find the black-haired woman waiting for me at the bar, chatting amiably with Viktor as she sips her drink. “I think your friend here wants to hire me,” she says with a giggle, breaking away easily as I reach for her hand. “Are we going upstairs?”
“We are,” I confirm. My fingers thread through hers, and I lead her up the stairs to a room like the one back in London. I close the door behind us, pocketing the key fob, and look at the gorgeous woman standing in front of me. “Is there anything you’d like to tell me that youdon’tenjoy doing, before we start?”