“You told me before we married that once we said those vows, my loyalty would be to you. That you demanded it—” I suck in a shaky breath. “I’ve done everything you asked, Connor. I’ve followed all your rules.Everythingexcept getting pregnant, and I’m trying my hardest—”
“You promised not to ask for more,” Connor says harshly. “More desire, more affection, more of a part in all of this than I told you that you would have. I told you what your role would be. So no, I didn’t tell you about my visit to the Nakamura house. You didn’t need to know. Your role is to give me a child and tell me what you hear among the other wives. Keep my household, throw my parties, and manage the domestic side of my life. I don’t need apartnerin my business, Saoirse. I don’t need to share any of this with you.”
He pauses. “And if I catch you going through my phone again, I’ll spank you until you can’t sit down for a week, and it won’t be the kind of spanking that makes you come, Saoirse.” He smirks. “Although I think just about anything I do to you could potentially make you come.”
I’d heard Maggie say once that there’s no hate like the hate you can feel for someone you love. It hadn’t made sense to me then. How could you hate someone you love? But in that instant, I understand. I can’t deny that I’ve been falling in love with Connor. This weekend and the glimpses of him now, I’m not even sure were real, made it all the more certain. But in this specific moment, watching him roll over and turn his back to me as he effectively chooses to end the conversation, makes me feel a hatred so intense that I almost feel as if it’s burning me from the inside out. I have to bite back hot tears, chewing on my lower lip until it bleeds as I stand there with my hands fisted by my side, unable to move for several moments.
When I finally lie down, it’s as far from Connor as I can get. But I don’t think I’ll be falling asleep anytime soon.
We don’t speak to each other on the flight back. Connor keeps his earbuds in, and I pretend to read my book, though I don’t actually make it past a paragraph. My mind is swirling with thoughts of the past weekend, replaying our fight over and over until it’s all I can do not to burst into tears. I refuse to cry in front of him, though, biting my lip over and over until it’s shredded and raw.
“We’ll be moving into the McGregor estate next week,” Connor says abruptly, when we’re a few hours from Boston.
I blink at him. “Liam’s agreed to leave? I thought—”
“It’s ours by right,” he says, interrupting me. “We should be living there, starting our family there. We can have separate bedrooms then as well,” he adds. “That ought to please you. We’ll still fuck regularly, of course, until you’re pregnant. But the space will be good for us both.”
“So—what? You’re just going to throw them out?”
“They won’t leave,” Connor says coolly. “So essentially, yes. They’ll be—encouraged to leave or removed.”
I stare at him for a long moment, shocked by the abrupt switch back to complete callousness. “Anastasia is pregnant,” I say finally. “Let me try to talk to her again, at least, before you throw them out. I’ll see if I can convince her to get Liam to leave.”
Connor shrugs. “Fine. The end result will be the same, anyway.”
I wait a moment, my heart pounding in my chest. “What did you talk to Kaito Nakamura about?” I blurt out, and Connor looks up, his eyes narrowing.
“I told you it wasn’t your concern, Saoirse,” he says stiffly. “Drop it. That’s your last warning.”
His voice is so cold that it sends an icy shudder down my spine. I watch as he returns to his phone, shutting me out as he puts his earbuds back in, and my stomach clenches as I fight back the tears again.
The honeymoon is well and truly over.
10
SAOIRSE
Idon’t actually think that my talking to Ana will do much good. But I feel like I have to try. I get that Connor feels like he needs us to take control of the estate to further legitimize his claim, but I also think there’s a touch of cruelty to it. I think, deep down, that he feels as if he’s losing his control over the situation—both with Liam and with me, and that he’s grasping at anything to regain that control.
It’s not as if Liam and Ana would be out on the streets—they’re as rich as any of us, and Liam still has his penthouse apartment, as far as I know. But the fact remains that it’s an upheaval when Ana is pregnant, and I’m aware of how fragile she is. I don’t have any love for the woman after the pain and difficulty she’s caused me and Liam and our families. Still, I don’t want Connor or I to be the cause of anything happening to her, either.
I take the car the morning after returning from Japan, feeling tension running through every inch of my body. It’s as if all the pleasant relaxation of the trip has dissipated entirely, replaced by the stress of Connor and I once again fighting. He’s barely touched or spoken to me since we got back, except to fuck me roughly this morning in silence before calling a cab to the warehouse, telling me he’d leave the driver for my trip to the estate.
It was a fantasy, I tell myself as I ride in the dim quiet of the backseat of the car.It was beautiful and happy and exquisite, but it’s over. Just like you knew it would be.
I’d snatched the pearl bracelet off my wrist the night Connor and I fought over the text messages I saw. It’s stayed in the bottom of my jewelry box ever since. I can’t bear to look at it. It represents what I’d thought was a perfect day, a real show of affection from him, and after the blowup that last night, it all feels like it was nothing but lies. Like he patronized me all weekend.
The only thing that makes me feel even slightly different is that I know he couldn’t have faked his desire for me. Hewantedme, and it was obvious. He’d given in to his desire. But I know as well as anyone else that lust isn’t the same thing as love.
Connor told me from the start that he wouldn’t love me. It’s only my fault if I didn’t pay attention to that.
The car stops at the gate, and I lower the window, leaning out to press the intercom button. “It’s Saoirse,” I say clearly. “I’m here to talk to Anastasia.”
There’s a pause, and then a gruff male voice, probably one of their security, comes through the speaker.
“You and your husband aren’t welcome here, ma’am. Go ahead and turn around.”
“I need to speak to Anastasia,” I insist. “It’s very important.”