CHAPTER23
Dad found me in my room sometime later; I was lying there tossing Rex's ball in the air, letting my mind relax for a while. There was just too much going on, and I realized I never really stopped to deal with it all. When this fuckery first exploded, my only thought was to get the fuck out, was I running from my problems?
Maybe but in retrospect, I am the fucking laughing stock of the free motherfucking world from here to Timbuktu; I bet those Maasai motherfuckers in Kilimanjaro are probably reading this shit and laughing their fucking tribal asses off. That's what the fuck I had to deal with.
Now that my head was a little clearer, my new reality was settling in, and all it did was piss me the fuck off even more. For the rest of my life, I will be known as that guy, the guy whose young hot starlet girlfriend fucked the old douche, and it didn't matter that I believed her about not fucking him; the world had already judged, and I know about ninety percent of those fuckers believed they fucked. How could I live with this fuckery?
"The Sorensons just left."
I jackknifed so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. My fucking heart started doing that runaway shit again, and I literally rubbed my chest.
"Take it, easy, son, she’s still here, but her father and brothers had to leave. I had a hard time convincing them to leave her here, though, seeing as how we found her in that room bawling her eyes out." Huh, that sounded kind of accusatory to me.
The next punk ass motherfucker that acted like this shit was my fault was gonna get jacked. Just saying.
"Talk to me, son. Did you two get any of this mess straightened out yet?"
I shrugged my shoulders; what the fuck could I say? That I wanted her here, but I didn't know what the fuck to do with her?
"We talked some, but nothing's really been resolved." I sounded like a fucking dick. Fuck my life; how did people deal with this cheating shit? I don't understand how every man or woman who found themselves in this predicament didn't end up killing something cause that's how the fuck I feel like I wanted to end something or someone.
"It's understandable you feel that way, son; the trick is to work through the anger to get to a better place."
Fuck I'd said that shit out loud.
"I don't know how to do this, dad. Do you realize I'm the poster boy for douchery? Every human being on the face of the earth has seen this shit."
"That's a tough one, son, but you have to get past that somehow; if you want to salvage any part of your life with Suzette, you're going to have to let some of this go unless you decide to just walk away, start over."
That shit made my heart hurt like fuck a world without Butterfly; how would that be? All kinds of fucked up, I was sure, I couldn't imagine my life without her in it, but I didn't see how I could get past this. Wasn't shit supposed to get better with time? I got fucked on the memo because my shit was now starting to kick in. I needed my man Jack, fuck, that's the only time I didn't feel like a fucking failure when I was ten sheets to the motherfucking wind.
And therein lay the crux of the matter; I felt like I failed, but how was that fair? I didn't do anything wrong, so why was I suffering the consequences? I thought I didn't give a fuck about what people said, but that was easier said than done; no one wanted to look like a chump in front of the whole fucking world. But this was my pops. I could tell him anything.
"I don't know how to give her up, and I don't know how to move forward."
"With time, son, you haven't really had time to sort this thing out as yet. Everything's been in an upheaval; now it’s time to settle down and put on your thinking cap and remember what we talked about."
Yeah, the family legacy of one woman for one man like I wasn't fucked enough already.
"But son, if you forgive her, you can't keep using this to hurt her. You'll have to put it away. She's just as much a victim here as you are. The kids told me what James said." He clarified when I raised my brow.
"Dad, I get what you're saying, but regardless of who was working behind the scenes, she went for it. How am I to know that she won't do this shit again?"
"Because we learn from our mistakes, son, she's a little wiser now, hopefully, and if something like this should happen again, she'd be prepared. Haven't you ever made a mistake, son? Done something you wish you could take back? What's done can't be undone. We either learn to live with it or walk away. Those are your only options.
Well fuck.