CHAPTER16
Iawakened this morning feeling Gage's presence with me; for the first few seconds, I smiled, thinking he was here, that it had all been a very bad dream, but when I opened my eyes, he wasn't there, and the agony was almost unbearable. I think I'm losing my mind because I can smell him, that clean scent of the outdoors and Burberry mixed with his own personal scent; I could've sworn he touched me while I slept; I could still feel his phantom lips against my brow.
I didn't have the strength to face another day without him, this was the longest we had ever gone without each other, and I wondered how he could go on without me for so long when he never could before. That, more than anything, convinced me that it was over; Gage hated to spend even one night apart; in fact, since the first night we made love and slept in each other’s arms, it had been damn near impossible for either of us to sleep without the other.
So how could he bear it now? Where was he? Who was he with? Was there someone else comforting him? The thought was like a knife to the heart; I couldn't bear it. And with that, my mind flashed to the upheaval that I had caused, me all on my own. I rushed to the bathroom to throw up...nothing; I dry heaved for what felt like hours but could only have been a minute or two. My stomach was raw, and my body hurt; I hadn't eaten in so long I'd lost track. I hadn't read a newspaper since that first day when all the headlines screamed at me. And those pictures, just the thought of my Gage seeing me like that made me sick, and this is where I shut down; I never allowed myself to go there; I couldn't, I don't think I ever would. I hated myself, hated my stupid guts for what I had done to him to us. I didn't deserve him, his love and devotion, all the care and adoration he had showered me with for the past three years, especially behind closed doors, away from the public eye, in the privacy of our home. He had treated me like the rarest of gifts, and I had squandered it all away.
The cold tiles of the bathroom floor felt good against my flushed skin, so I decided to rest my eyes just for a little while. I would be sure to get up before dad woke up. Reaching into the pocket of his hoodie, I removed my cell phone and made the only connection I could with him now, an unanswered telephone. I listened to the ringing on the other end as tears poured down my face. "Bubby, I need you please." I had no idea what I sounded like at that moment. All I knew was that I had to go away from the pain again. Into the sweet abyss of sleep, maybe this time I wouldn't awaken to this nightmare. Maybe I could just drift away in my sleep from a broken heart. Anything would be preferable to living without him.
* * *
I knewit was her calling, of course, but still, I hesitated to answer. By the time I got my nerve up, the call was headed to voicemail. I could barely make out the whispery content of her plea, but the tinny sound of her voice left me cold.
"Butterfly." I flew off the stool and headed for the door.
" Gage...?" I think I scared the fuck out of my mother.
"Suzette..." that's all I got out before I was running to my car, no thought and no direction; I just knew everything inside of me told me to get to her before it was too late.
I drove like a bat out of hell with no thought to the speed limit; if there was a high-speed chase, they would have to shoot me down because I wasn't stopping. I drove with a broken heart, the tinny repeal of her plea playing on a loop in my head. When I pulled up to her house, the sight of an ambulance almost gave me a heart attack. I pushed my way past the EMTs and entered in time to see her dad bringing her downstairs bundled in a blanket. I barely held myself up by my will.
"What are you doing here, Gage?"
"Please, Steve, I know you're pissed off, but we can't do this now; you can't take her to the hospital; the media would be all over this."
"You think I give a shit about that boy? This is my little girl."
"I know that, and you know my dad's a doctor; let me take her to him, please."
He looked at me as though measuring my sincerity. "Why should I trust you with her? You're the one who brought her to this; you threw her away like garbage." His voice broke on the last word.
"You have every right to be mad, and after we get her taken care of, you can deal with me any way you wish. Just, please let me take her now."
"Why should I trust you?"
"Because she called me." I saw the resignation in his eyes before he passed her off to me.
I left him to deal with the medics as I bundled her into the passenger seat before jumping into the driver’s side and flooring it. I was on autopilot as I made it to the corner and saw Brian's hummer coming from the opposite direction. He made an illegal U and swerved in behind me. I could make out Derrick's blonde head on the passenger side with Tiffany in the back, her pixie head between them. Mom and dad were right behind them in mom's Audi coupe.
I didn't look at her; I couldn't; I would lose my shit if I did. Hitting the speaker on my dash, I called my parents’ car.
"I'm here, son."
"Dad, it's bad; I don't want to take her to the hospital. Do you have what we need at the house?"
"If we don't, we'll get it, son; just drive carefully now; we don't need you getting into an accident."
I hung up and gave a quick glance to my passenger. Fuck butterfly, what did you do to yourself? I wiped my face noticing the tears for the first time. She had been cold as ice when I took her from her father. Her breathing was erratic, like she was fighting for every breath. I didn't care anymore who did what or why. When he fucked with her, she was mine, my responsibility, my woman. Living in my house, sleeping in my bed. Guilty or not, she was under my care; because of him, she was this broken shell lying half-dead in my car.
I'm gonna make that motherfucker bleed.
"You fucked up, Poole; I swear on everything I have, you're done. I WILL END YOU.”