“No, that’s now how I meant it—”
“You want me gone.”
“To keep you safe,” Ren said
“What’s the point of all of this, then?” I gestured toward the windows that overlooked the arena. “What have I been training for, if you’re just going to send me away at the first sign of trouble?”
Ren shook his head and stood, walking to the windows to look out into the dark of the night.
“This isn’t thefirstsign of trouble, Ellie. There’s been a hell of a lot more than I’m comfortable with, and they’ve all been aimed at you. This is the first attack—or potential attack—that doesn’t have your name on it, and I would like to keep it that way.”
“I’m a warrior, here to fight foryou. To protect you. Isn’t that how you wanted it?”
He turned to look at me over his shoulder. “I don’t see the point in sending you into the fray, if it’s only going to mean it’s your end.”
I rolled my eyes. I was getting irritated with him. He was being unreasonable, which was very unlike the King I knew.
“I know what it means, Ren. I know it’s a sacrifice, but that’s what this is all about. “
“You can’t go in there. You’re more fragile than the Fae.”
“Right,” I said tightly. “Because I’m not good enough.”
“That’s not what I said,” he snapped.
“Oh, no? When did you decide I was toofrailto fight in your elite guard? Was it before or after you kept me on?”
“Ellie, this isn’t—”
“I stayed here because I believed you when you said I was an asset and that I can handle myself. Now, it turns out I’m only here to make nice with the humans, but you don’t trust me to—”
“I can’t bear to see you get hurt!” Ren shouted, cutting me off. “Anything can happen, and I can’t do that. I…won’t put you in danger.” He looked at me, and his expression was raw. His voice cracked when he talked.
He shook his head and walked to the door.
“Ren,” I said before he reached it, and he stopped and turned to me. “I won’t get hurt out there. You don’t have to do this. I want to be a part of it. I want to be useful. This is the first time in my life I’ve had purpose, the first time I feel like there’s something bigger to fight for than getting food in my mouth at night and surviving through the winter.”
Ren didn’t answer me.
“I trained with Dex and Nylah. You’re training me, too. I’m working with the other warriors—if that doesn’t prepare me for what’s coming, then no one will ever be ready. Dex even said that I’d progressed faster than any of his warriors, and that he’s proud to have me on the team.”
“He’s not wrong. You fight hard, and you give your all,” Ren relented.
I sagged a little, relieved that he agreed I was doing well.
“But I won’t forgive myself if something happens to you. I want you safe, Ellie.”
He turned and left my room, and I stared at the door he’d disappeared through, stunned. My shock turned into anger, and I stood, pacing the room. How could he do this to me? How could he keep me here, making me think I was training to fight for a bigger cause when he didn’t want me to get involved?
And how could he tell me how much he cared when he kept pushing me away?
I needed to talk to someone about it. I just didn’t know who. I couldn’t talk to Nylah—she and Ren were like brother and sister.
And I couldn’t talk to Dex, either. What advice would he give me?
I had no one I could talk to about my frustrations. Ren wouldn’t let me fight, even though that’s why I was at the palace in the first place. Also, I had feelings for him, which seemed to be accepted sometimes and rejected at others.
Instead of talking to anyone, I climbed back into bed and switched off the light. I would read about the humans in the mountains another time. Right now, I wanted to fall asleep. Hopefully, the confusion would be less in the morning, and Ren would have changed his mind.