“I’m sorry, but we lost track of the time.” He climbed on the bed and sat with his legs crossed. “I didn’t want to be alone, so I called Howard, and he came over to keep me company.”
“How do you know him?”
“We ran into each other twice, and when Judd burned our house down, he invited me to stay with him.”
It was all my fault, then. I should have taken care of him when we lost our home, but I only sought shelter for myself and left him to fend for himself. No wonder he found someone else. Instead of dealing with our loss together, I’d pushed him away, right into the arms of another man.
“Did you…” I couldn’t finish the question. I shook my head. “I don’t want to know.”
“Did I what? Fuck him?” He pursed his lips. “Of course I didn’t. I only sleep with you. You always think the worst of me.”
“I don’t think the worst of you.” I sat beside him and took one of his hands in mine. “But we’re still trying to figure each other out. If you found someone more suitable to be your Daddy, I—”
He squeezed my hand. “No one’s more suitable to be my Daddy than you. It’s always going to be you, Shaw. Always.”
He straddled my lap and nestled his head under my chin. He clutched the front of my shirt as if daring me to push him away.
“I’m glad.” I rubbed his back. “Because now that I’ve accepted you are mine, Ari, it would be too hard to let you go.”
“Good, because you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But you will tell me if I get too boring and you need more from me?”
“Silly, Daddy. When will you get that I love you the way you are? I don’t want you to change.”
He always knew the right words to say. I kissed the top of his head. “Will you tell me what you’re doing dressed up like this, since you’re not in little mode?”
“I wanted to get dressed for you,” he said. “So that as soon as you got home, we could play. Howard didn’t know what a little is, and I wanted to show him before he left. That’s all. I promise.”
I relaxed my arms around him. “And you trust this Howard guy?”
He nodded. “Yeah, he’s a good friend and he helped to keep my mind off my father. I was going crazy sitting in the house all day, feeling like he was everywhere. Howard was a good distraction.”
“But just temporary.”
“Yeah.” A shiver ran through him. “He’s still out there, waiting for me.”
Oh no, I won’t let him slip back into the state I left him in this morning. I got up with him in my arms. Ari wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck. He clung to me like a koala.
“We’re not going to let him ruin our lives,” I said. “I promised you some little space tonight, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.”
I carried him down the stairs to the living room. He’d already taken out his toys. He squealed when he saw them, and laughing, I placed him on the floor.
“Play with me, Daddy!” He grabbed my hand and tugged me down beside him. When I sat, he chose a brightly colored xylophone and banged on it. What he made was nowhere near music. The high-pierced sound grated on my nerves, but he seemed to have forgotten his Daddy. He really had sunk into little mode.
“Your turn!” He handed me the stick.
“Thank you, baby.”
Using the little musical talent I had, I played “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” When I was done, his eyes were wide as saucers, and he clapped loudly.
“Teach me, Daddy!”
I sat him down between my legs and taught him how to play the song. As an adult, he would have picked it up easily, but as he was in little space, it took him a while and lots of concentration to get it right. He laughed when he did, and I hugged him, pulling him into my lap and kissing the side of his face.
“Good boy. That’s Daddy’s smart little boy.”
He flushed and preened under the compliment, then dragged over a big, soft book and begged me to read to him.