A.
November 3
I did something very, very bad. Thank god I wasn’t caught. I hid under the bed in my parents’ room so I could listen to them fuck. My mom’s always so loud, and I get so jealous she’s getting to experience everything I want with Daddy. I don’t know what possessed me, but I wanted to be closer while they had sex. I wanted to hear Daddy’s grunts and imagine him on top of me.
It was exciting. I hated hearing my mom, of course, but I just blocked her out and pictured I was the one riding Daddy. I heard Mom saying over and over how big Daddy’s dick is, and now I’m curious. I need to know what it looks like. I always thought being bigger meant it would hurt more, but now I’m changing my mind.
I didn’t get to crawl out from beneath the bed until they’d both fallen asleep. That’s when I did it. I lowered the sheet and caught sight of Daddy’s dick, but he was all soft, so I'm not sure how big is big. Seeing his cock excites me. I wanted to take it into my mouth the way Rich forces me to do his, but I couldn’t risk being found out, so I had to leave.
I can’t wait for the day I get to feel Daddy’s cock inside me. I think Daddy will be so happy when he finds out I saved myself for him. Of course I have to get Mom out of the way first. As long as she’s around, Daddy will never give me a second glance.
A.
November 14
I’ve been studying the routines of both my mother and Daddy. It’s the only way I get to have any alone time with Daddy these days. Whenever she’s out of the house, I know exactly when to show up. The same for Daddy. I got home from school early today and clogged my shower drain. Then at the exact time I knew Daddy would be home, I went to use the shower in their bathroom. Mom’s in Vegas with her girlfriends, and she’d warned me about playing any tricks while she was gone. She doesn’t trust me in the least, and I can’t say I blame her.
Anyway, there I am, completely naked and wet in Daddy’s shower when he walks in. Whether it was out of shock or if he liked what he saw, I don’t know, but he stared at me for a long time. Okay, maybe a few seconds, but he did look especially at my erection. Then he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me to cover me up. I love Daddy’s touch. I just wish he’d taken off his clothes and joined me. I was so horny I nearly came right out and asked him to fuck me, but I know it’s not the right time. He doesn’t look at me yet the way I want him to. He hasn’t stopped apologizing since, but one thing he did say was that we can’t ever mention what happened to my mom.
Damn,
A.
I skipped a few pages in which he only had our names scribbled over and over with colored hearts. So much had been taking place in Ari’s mind when he was younger. Why hadn’t I seen his obsession? His mother had warned me about it over and over, but I thought she was reading into things, being paranoid because she didn’t get along with her son. So often, I had been a referee between them, acting like a buffer, that I hadn’t had time to contemplate all these little truths Ari revealed in his book.
The pictures came next. Pictures of me I never posed for. Sitting in the living room, cooking dinner, mowing the lawn, and working in the garage. A picture of me in the shower that made me shiver. Pictures of me when I was in bed sleeping. In one, he’d clearly cut out his mother and Photoshopped himself into it.
If I hadn’t already decided to send him to see a therapist, this would have definitely done it. I skipped past the pictures and found the next written entry.
December 2
Today I walked in on Daddy and Mom having sex on the kitchen table. I was supposed to be at Harlan’s but changed my mind when Harlan called me to let me know Rich was waiting there for me. They didn’t notice me at first, and I stood there, watching them. The man I wanted more than anything in this world was fucking her. She didn’t even like him that much. I heard her say that to a friend on the phone once. She loved Daddy’s dick, she said, but wished he would get rid of the beer gut and take better care of himself to look like Angelina Foster’s husband.
Mom saw me first. When she did, she smirked. She wanted me to see that Daddy belonged to her, and that couldn’t have come across any clearer when she told Daddy to fuck her harder, all the while looking at me. Daddy started to, but then he stopped abruptly. I must have made a sound. When he saw me, he pulled away from Mom. I ran up the stairs. I heard her trying to convince him that I’m old enough to know that they fuck, but he came after me instead to check that I hadn’t be scarred by what I witnessed.
I knew then that my mom would always win the small battles, but eventually I would win the war. He didn’t stay with her. He came after me.
A.
December 14,
I’m mad. I’m so mad I can’t think straight. All I can think about is grabbing a knife in the kitchen and going after Rich. He’d almost fucked me today, even though I told him no. He had his cock right against my naked ass when someone walked into the locker room. If he’d done that to me, he would have ruined the fact that I’ve been saving myself for Daddy. I have to find a way to get rid of Rich before he forces himself even more on me. No one at school will believe me anyway. They all think I’m a big flirt and they will probably believe I led Rich on.
I don’t want Rich. I only want my Daddy.
A.
December 17
He hadn’t written anything, only drawn lots of sad and crying faces. I frowned. What happened on December 17th? And it hit me. It was the day Harlan took his life. The day Rich raped him and the day Ari blamed himself for what happened to his friend because he never spoke out about what Rich had done to him.
A knock on the door startled me.
“Shaw, are you up?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah.” I slammed the book shut and pushed it under the pillow. I couldn’t have anyone else knowing all these things about Ari’s past. Now it made sense Julieta resigned. She knew too much. Did she suspect Ari had anything to do with Rich’s disappearance? She must have heard about it.
I shrugged on my robe and opened the door. “What’s up?”