Shaw
Therewasnoway I was letting Ari out of my sight after he confronted Judd, so despite the unprofessional nature of my actions, I put him to work in my office. If anyone asked, he was interning while deciding what he wanted to do with his life.
Mostly he sat on one of the couches in a corner with a stack of papers and a pencil. Seeing him there was reassuring. He’d done this before when he was a student here, waiting for me to give him a ride home. He would sit in that corner and do his homework while I tried to get everything done so I didn’t have to bring him home late.
Our relationship had been so different back then. So simple. He glanced up, seeming startled when he saw me watching him, but then he smiled and returned to his work. When he was like this, it was so easy to pretend he wasn’t what I knew him to be—a killer. But would I want him to go back to being the Ari I knew with the soft voice, bright smile, and bubbly personality? He was still that boy, but now I saw sides of him I shouldn’t want to protect, and found myself doing it anyway.
It was easier to focus on Ari than to examine myself. To avoid how much I’d changed since he came back to town. To analyze why I derived such pleasure from hurting him and loving him at the same time.
I walked over to him and kissed the top of his head. Everything was already so much calmer in my head with him here. I was able to focus on my work, since I wasn’t so consumed with thoughts of him and hoping he wouldn’t talk with random men who tried to lure him away from me.
I picked up one of the papers next to him but paused when he stilled.
“May I?”
He nodded, and I turned it over and studied the dress he’d designed. It was a ballroom gown with a demure neckline, but the cut in the bodice showcasing the skin and the hip-high slits made it sexy.
“This is impressive,” I said.
“You like it?” His voice was hungry for approval.
“I love it.” I stared at the sketch.
“You don't really like it.” He took the paper from my hand. “I’ll do it over.”
“No, don’t alter it. I’m just thinking how much Anne ruined your life.”
He snorted. “You have no idea.”
“I would have insisted you go to college, pursue your dreams. Don’t you want to go to college?”
“I wasn’t too good at school, Shaw.”
“But there are different types, and you’re so talented. This can be very productive.”
“And we need me to be productive so I don’t hurt anyone else?” He gave me an amused smile.
“Wouldn’t you like to have a job someday?”
“Honestly, no. I can’t see me in an office working nine to five. I’d rather eat this paper.”
“Don’t tempt me,” I said. “But think about it. If it’s something you really want to do, I’ll help you figure it out.”
He didn’t say anything for a while. Just sat there looking at me. Then big fat tears rolled down his cheeks. Alarmed, I pushed the papers aside and sat beside him, reaching for him.
“What did I say?”
He shook his head.
“Ari, tell me.”
“You’ve always believed in me,” he finally replied. “Always saw the good in me when no one else did.”
“Because you are good.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’ve done.”
The air was sucked out of my lungs. I should have asked him what he’d done, but I didn’t want to know.