Shaw
Thewordscomingout of Ari’s mouth and the innocent picture he made as he kneeled by my legs didn’t go well together at all. I couldn’t believe the crudity with which he’d blurted out what he wanted from me. I’d never heard him speak that way before, and I was struggling. Struggling to reconcile this image with the boy I’d known since he was sixteen. Anne’s words kept resurfacing in my mind. If she was right about this, had she also been right about everything else?
He waited patiently for my answer, his windswept hair a bit overgrown and hanging into his eyes. My hands itched to brush the locks to the side, but I fisted them in my lap instead. All the better not to reach out for him when I wasn’t sure what was going on here.
His eyes in his small, upturned face gleamed with hope. Ever since I came here in my office, I’d been reading up on what could have caused Ari to behave the way he had. I’d started with what I could find about something called little behavior and ABDL. There seemed to be a whole community of people into the lifestyle, which shocked me. Twitter accounts were dedicated to sharing the lifestyle with users.
“How long?” I asked Ari, and at his confused look, I added, “Since you realized you were a little?”
“I guess a part of me always had the inclination, but I didn’t truly understand it until I was forced to live with my dad.”
“Tell me. What happened with your dad?”
He bit his bottom lip. “Do I have to talk about it? It was so long ago.”
“Four years isn’t that long, Ari. Before I can decide anything, I need you to be honest with me.”
He shuffled closer to me, rose onto his knees, and placed his head in my lap. I stiffened at first, then realized he was only seeking comfort. This was the side of Ari I was used to, always needing to be touched, to be reassured, to be loved. Was it really any different from what he wanted from me now? The same result, just another way to get there.
“I told you my dad was a deadbeat,” he said. “He-he didn’t really care about me. I took care of myself.”
“He used to hit you.”
“Yes, but most times, it wasn’t bad.”
“How did you get away?”
“I met someone.” He took one of my hands and placed it on top of his head. “I love to be petted. For my hair to be played with.”
As if they had a will of their own, my fingers combed through his hair, and he relaxed against me with a sigh.
“So good.”
“What happened next?” I asked. I was only doing this so I would get answers.
“He wanted to take care of me, so I let him—ouch.”
Damn, I’d been petting him too hard. “Sorry.” Even though I’d seen him in action earlier, a part of me wanted to believe Ari was untouched by anyone else. What the hell did that make me?
“I had to. It was the only way I could think of surviving. You know I didn’t have good grades in school.”
“You did okay.”
“But not good enough to get into any decent colleges and have a future.”
“That’s not true.”
His lips curved in a smile against my thigh. “Why can’t you see how perfect you are for me? You’re the only one who cares about me.”
“What about the-the other Daddy?”
“I never called him Daddy. That’s reserved for you only.”
I stopped petting him, my hand falling to the side. He scrambled off the floor and climbed onto my lap. I let him. I knew where this might lead, and somehow I hoped for it.
“There’s only one Daddy for me,” he said. “And that’s you, Shaw. Don’t you get it? I’ve wanted you forever.” Just like earlier, he pressed his lips against mine in a hard kiss. “Tell me you don’t feel it too. Tell me you don’t want this with me. That you don’t want to take care of me, because I think you kind of have to, and I need you to.”
I should have avoided his kiss, but the déjà vu happened. His lips were so sweet. They were to me what a popsicle was to a parched kid on a sunny summer day.