Adolé, who assumed that Michelle would now speak and explain to her what moved her in the first weeks and months of her collaboration, waited attentively, but at first nothing happened. It was only when she was asked again that she began to tell slowly.
"You certainly don't understand my initial behavior. And it's no wonder. You can't understand something like that from an outsider. “
She lowered her head, and Adolé noticed how she struggled with the tears, but did not intervene because she wanted to give her room to unfold the explanation.
It took another tenacious minutes before Michelle took her hands out of her pockets and looked Adolé straight in the eyes. She finally began to explain in bumpy German. "Unfortunately, I married the wrong man when I was young. At first he was nice, charming, a good-looking guy. We hardly knew each other, but we were very much in love, but were sure to belong together forever." Her voice stopped.
"Matthieu was very attentive at first, funny, a positive person. We had a great time, traveled a lot, had friends with whom we did things." She swallowed and searched for words. "We were so happy. He was so happy when I got pregnant.
"But at some point he changed more and more. Nothing was right anymore. He was always in a bad mood. It was always the others' fault."
Michelle gasped for breath and then continued to talk in tears. "He beats the children and me again and again. "Behind me are countless stays in hospitals. "Again and again I wake up in these cold, tiled rooms. I am freezing. It's horrible." She shook her head in disbelief as if she could not believe it all herself. "Ella keeps having to clean up after me to keep this from coming out." She swallowed. "You may have noticed some bruising here and there last night. It's a drama. He is now unpredictable. He used to be so different, but alcohol has changed him so much. He doesn't care about anything anymore, not about me, not about my hands, without which I'd have to end my career, and certainly not about the children." More and more tears ran down Michelle's cheeks.
Adolé slipped over to Michelle and knelt down in front of her, put one hand on her hands and pressed them comfortingly. She just wanted to calm her down, be there for her. Adolé felt Michelle's handshake return firmly with both hands.
Then Michelle went on, started telling everything, first slowly, then faster and faster and clearer - about her husband, whom she had met in the South of France at a young age, whom she had fallen head over heels in love with, this handsome, charming, sporty child, whom she had then hastily married. Soon after the wedding, he gradually showed his true face, started drinking and at some point began to cross all boundaries. At some point, violence took over, during sex and in daily being together. He began to treat her more brutally at every opportunity than the time before. And despite the unbelievable incidents, as unbelievable as it seemed, they always had good times, got closer again and had the two children together, Theo and Thula, who were 14 and 15 years old by now.
But the spiral of violence turned faster and faster, Matthieu's outbursts became worse and worse. With time, she left more and more obvious traces in her soul, but above all on her body. Again and again she even had to cancel appointments and performances because she simply couldn't play or because her face or arms showed clear injuries. But out of fear that he could press the children even more, she ultimately also accepted the physical humiliations again and again.
But at some point the break could not be repaired and Michelle tried with all means to escape it. In exchange for a large sum of money, he finally agreed to a divorce.
When she had her first affair with a woman, it seemed for a short time as if a way out would open up. She regained her confidence and began tentatively to oppose him. But her happiness did not last long.
Matthieu found out about their liaison. That was the beginning of the end. He ruthlessly put Michelle under pressure and threatened the other woman who couldn't stand up to it. Fearing he could hurt her, she separated from Michelle and broke off contact. They met again only once after that, whereupon Matthieu had another fit of raving madness when she told him about it in a better phase, contrary to her feelings. Further threats against the other woman were the consequence, so Michelle broke off the contact to her and to a large extent to everyone else - except Ella - consequently to not endanger her.
She was trapped. Matthieu threatened to out her and to tell the public that she loves women. Michelle considered this to be unfavorable for her career. She wasn't sure how her audience would react. And he had love letters and photos to prove it.
Because of the press and their career, he always had the longer lever. He also used the two children unscrupulously as leverage and kept them from Michelle when she didn't follow his lead and did what he wanted - Michelle knew no way out, and in her distress not to endanger the children any further, she submitted until her will to resist was at some point completely broken.
As she had been constantly on the road professionally for years, he had continued to work on the impression after the divorce in France that she could
not be a good mother to the children, as she was never at home, but on the road in what he considered to be dubious surroundings and therefore not able to offer them a good home. She would not be able to give them what he, and probably public opinion as well, believed them to need as minors under the protection of the law, for their optimal development. Again and again, when he saw fit, he threatened to spread rumours about their private lives and was successful in doing so over the years.
Michelle was far too afraid of an easily created exposure and slander campaign by her ex-husband, who threatened to destroy her career and deprive her of her children forever, so that she finally gave up powerlessly and did not fight back any further. Especially the destruction of her privacy, which she tried to defend again and again against all opposition, and her unprecedented career, which he could destroy with a short statement about her lesbian tendencies, made her subordinate everything else. Thus he had been able to obtain sole custody easily and in a coup de main in court.
Michelle was breathing heavily. Tears were streaming down her face. More and more often her already fragile voice failed, trembling ran through her body. Now and then she would desperately slap one or both hands in front of her mouth, shake her head and sob heartbreakingly.
Michelle visibly tried to keep her composure at least halfway through until she had told Adolé everything. Meanwhile, more and more pieces of the puzzle came together to form a unified picture in Adolé. She had received the conclusive explanation she had asked for.
She moved even closer to Michelle and tried to give her support and comfort. Again and again Michelle tried to justify in forceful words her fear of the revelations in the press and the loss of her children and probably her career as well, more in front of herself than in front of Adolé. In a desperate pause, when Michelle could no longer speak, even Adolé could not stop herself. She turned Michelle towards her, took her battered, weepy face in both hands and looked at her firmly.
"Michelle, I'm so sorry about all this. If I had known sooner... we would have found a way. We would have found a way. But anyway, I'm here for you now. "It took time for her to find the right words for her own situation. "Yes, I was deeply hurt," Adolé began and Michelle tried to sob away from her and turn her face to the side. "No, listen!"
Adolé did not allow Michelle to avoid the situation. "I had no idea. I just didn’t understand what you were doing. Why, what was going on inside you. It was so inexplicable, so crazy for me all the time. I didn’t do anything to you. None of us did. But you were acting so inexplicably.” She took Michelle in her arms again. "I'm so sorry that I didn't see all this or at least suspected that I didn't realize why you were acting so strangely and what trouble you were in. This is so horrible. Outsiders can't even imagine what you are going through. "She paused once more and then made a final push. "Why didn't you talk to me?! I would have been there for you. Why didn't you send me a message earlier? I would have helped you!
Adolé desperately sought words that could describe what she felt and what she wanted to say to Michelle. She knew that no vows and no promises would make the situation better, that nothing she would say could take Michelle's fear of her husband and of what would happen to the children, what would happen to them and, worse, what her husband would tell them, alienating her and the children more and more.
Michelle was, however, visibly grateful for Adolé's words and at the same time waved goodbye. "I didn't want to endanger you too. Matthieu is so unpredictable, so ruthless. I still don't know if he even suspects anything about you, but I couldn't risk him feeling that there is something there that means something to me and that he can use for his own purposes, as leverage against me. When he realizes that someone is important to me, he acts ruthlessly and fights that person with all means. I do not think he suspects that I have fallen in love with a woman, let alone with you, someone who is known throughout Europe, if not the world. Oh God, he'd love that! If he knew that..."
Michelle let herself fall back into the cushions with resignation. "This is your best protection, that hopefully he is completely clueless. Otherwise the risk is too great. That's why I didn't get in touch, didn't talk to you, didn't write, because I didn't know if he was checking my mobile phone, reading my messages or my emails, but sometimes I just had to see you. I could not stand it without you. “
Again and again she held her hands in front of her face in disbelief. "I didn't want him to be able to make a connection between us. I didn't want to risk anything. Not even because of the press. That's his greatest leverage. My career will probably end when the public finds out I love women. Oh, God! And the children. "Michelle closed her eyes and shook her head. Apparently, the very idea that everyone would know what her life was really like "The press will tear us apart if they even suspect what is happening between us. "Adolé looked stunned at Michelle's wounded face. Tears shot into her eyes.
"This is so incredible. What a constellation. How could he do this to you? He loved you once and he only wanted what was best for you. What a pig! She shook her head stunned and then rather casually followed up with another little sentence asking: "And you fell in love with me? Did she? ", she said quietly while she watched Michelle's reaction closely.
"Yes. Of course." whispered Michelle and leaned her head against Adolé's. "What did you think? It almost tore my heart apart when I had to leave without a word and leave you in the dark for weeks afterwards. "I didn't want to put you in that kind of danger. My life is complicated enough, and unpredictable and dangerous. For you, the children, for everyone who belongs to me.
But for Adolé, there was no turning back now. She embraced Michelle with one arm and kissed her tenderly and unrestrainedly at the same time. She could feel Michelle returning her embrace and kiss. Her tongues met gently at first, then longer and longer and more intense. Breathless seconds later her lips loosened.