“Wow, that is specific,” Sally said. Together, they took a few steps forward as the line advanced. “Unfortunately, I’m apparently not as up on L Word lore as you are.”
Amy sighed.
“Dana and Alice packed…” Amy looked around, but no one else on line was paying them the slightest attention “…sex toys in their carry-on luggage and then the TSA agent at the X-ray machine was all like, ‘What the hell are these?’ Remember? And then the TSA opened their bag and was displaying all their toys to everyone.”
Sally scoffed.
“Sweetie, that was a TV show! Besides, I seem to remember that Dana and Alice had things in that bag which could actually be used to commandeer an airplane. Like, nipple clamps.”
“How do you take over an airplane with nipple clamps?” Amy asked, certain that Sally wasn’t taking this seriously.
“I don’t know, Amy! How do you take over an airplane with a vibrator?”
“I don’t know!” Amy whisper-hissed. “Maybe it could be used as a club. Anyway, in an X-ray machine it probably looks like a pipe bomb or something.”
They moved forward a few more steps again.
“Babe,” Sally began, “I hate to throw your genetic privilege in your face but we’re two cute white girls from Carlsbad. The vibrator-slash-pipe bomb is in a Coach bag that cost more than some people’s car payment and you’re wearing Balenciaga jeans. The way our fucked-up country’s system works, we could actually have a pipe bomb in the bag and the TSA would just wave us on through.”
They had reached the checkpoint and had to remove their shoes and place those and their other items in those hideous gray plastic bins. Amy watched Sally lift her Coach bag onto the conveyor for the trip through the X-ray machine.
“I just don’t want everyone in this airport knowing I happen to like vibrators with attached clit stimulators.”
“So, we’ll tell them it’s mine,” Sally whispered back. “Besides, everybody ought to know that women like vibes with clit stims. The world would be a better place.”
First Sally went through the body scanner machine and then Amy followed. When it was determined she didn’t have explosives hidden in her bra and had been cleared to proceed through, the Coach bag was already in the X-ray machine. Amy watched the face of the TSA agent on X-ray duty. It was a middle-aged woman with long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and at first she seemed bored at what she was looking at on her screen. But then suddenly, her brows knitted and her eyes squinted as she peered more closely at the monitor. She pressed a button and the conveyor belt moved backward, then forward, then backward again. Just like in season two, episode ten! Finally, she glanced over at Amy.
Amy could think of nothing better to do than shrug and smile.
With an amused look on her face, the TSA agent pressed the button to start the conveyor moving forward again.
“I think I have the same one,” she said, her eyes scanning the next object in the machine.
***
“That is so totally a podcast episode!” Amy said, slipping her ballet flats back on and gathering up the items she had sent through the X-ray machine. She and Sally started walking towards the gate. “Lesbian travel tips and what kind of toys are allowed in carry-on luggage. We already know—thanks to the L Word—that nipple clamps aren’t allowed; but, like, how big a vibrator can you bring on board? What about one with a rechargeable battery? What about dildos or anal beads?”
Sally laughed.
“That is a really good idea, babe,” she said.
“Thank you. Ooh! Do you think I can get a representative from the TSA to be a guest?”
“I don’t see why not,” Sally said after a moment. “I would think the TSA would welcome any chance they get to inform the public about their policies, especially in a gay-friendly forum.”
“Totally doing it,” Amy decided, feeling excited.
They were on the plane in forty minutes, comfortably ensconced in their first class seats, waiting for takeoff.
“Soooooo,” Amy began after the flight attendant finished his safety demonstration. “What happens when we get home? Do you want to hang out later?”
“Well, the first thing I have to do,” Sally answered, as the engines revved and the plane started backing away from the gate, “is go pick up Lena from Lisa’s. After that, I’ll just be relaxing. I love to travel but I hate the traveling part, you know? So, once I get home I usually just like to chill and veg out. Why don
’t you come over later and we’ll order in and watch Netflix?”
“Love to! Provided you’re not sick of me yet?”
Sally pulled her mask down just quick enough to blow her a kiss.