Migrant farmworkers
have deplorable working
conditions—sign this!
The rocket
The “We resent this
phallocentric metaphor.
Please change to ‘love cave.’”
Woman on top
No changes required.
—Fondly, every lesbian
in the entire world
The spin cycle (a.k.a. sex on a washing machine)
This is not what we
meant by more equal household
chore distribution.
LOOK BOTH WAYS: DEMYSTIFYING BISEXUALITY
You’ve probably heard a lot of stereotypes and jokes about bisexuality, a.k.a. the redheaded goth stepchild of sexual orientations. Most people can’t even agree on a definition of bisexuality, which has led to a lot of confusion, angst, and reality shows starring Tila Tequila.
Ironically, part of the reason bisexuality gets a bad rap—and why so few people openly identify as such—is because it’s associated with so many negative cultural connotations. For our purposes, I’ll define a bisexual as someone who is drawn to emotional and/or sexual relationships with different genders, although terms relating to bisexuality run the gamut and can include descriptors such as “pansexual,” “queer,” “ambisexual,” “omnisexual,” “fluid,” and “Larry King.” Below are the truest and most definitive haiku that document the sexual identity that is often shrugged off as a “phase,” a “gateway,” “homosexuality lite,” or “Fifty Shades of Gay.”
WHAT’S A BISEXUAL?
According to douche canoes
Only the bread to
my favorite sandwich, bro!
Amirite? Up top!
According to scientists who study bisexuality
It’s the only way
I know to get paid to watch
gay porn all day long.
According to your conservative mom
Why must you punish
me? Was it because I wore