with frequent trips to Michaels
for more soy candles.
Putting the anal back in analysis
Can I Freudian
slip my finger inside your
Jung, supple body?
Who has time for sex?
We’re far too busy
slowly shedding our matching
cheerleading outfits.
Options are limitless
Penises are like
boy bands: they can only move
in One Direction.
IF THE FIFTY SHADES SERIES HAD BEEN WRITTEN BY A QUEER LADY
Fifty Shades of Spay
Protagonist finds
herself enslaved by CUTEST
tripod tabby cat.
Fifty Shades of Stay
Surprise! That “contract”
you signed was for our new time-
share in Provincetown!
Fifty Shades of Gay
A bisexual
is born and no one questions
her identity.
Fifty Shades of Old Bay
Two industrious
gals spend all night … arranging