just like peanut butter cups
and prescription drugs!”
The cat- or dog-obsessed lesbian
“You know I minored
in pet portraiture at my
women’s college, right?”
The radical Marxist-feminist lesbian
“Can you believe the
phallocentric slavery
of this Bud Light Lime?”
IMAGINED AWKWARD PROPOSITIONS FOR THE CHARACTERS YOU’RE READING ABOUT IN YOUR BOOK CLUB
The lesbian whom you’ve time-traveled back to the Victorian Era to ask out
Are you causing these
“uterine fits” or do I
have hysteria?
I’d be delighted
if you joined me for a ride—
you sure are hansom.
Awkward lesbian vampire proposition
You suck! I mean that
literally of course. HA-
HA. Oh, you’re vegan?
Awkward lesbian werewolf proposition
I would never be
so insensitive as to
ask for doggy-style.
Awkward lesbian velociraptor from Jurassic Park proposition
Hey, clever girl! What’s
eating you? Me? HA-HA. Nice
claws. I dig high femme.