Swallowing around the hard lump in my throat, I shook the nerves out of my hands and started toward her. The other wolves never broke rank. They didn’t even make a path for me, forcing me to walk around them in order to reach Ash’s side. If she was displeased, she didn’t show it.
Instead, she turned to me and took my hands in hers. Her next words were spoken low enough so only I would hear. As a human, anyway. I wasn’t sure if the wolves could overhear us or not, but I appreciated the illusion of privacy anyway.
“How are you getting along?” she asked, tilting her head to the side and squeezing my hands when I tried to look at anything else but her.
“It’s complicated,” I said, dropping my gaze when the tingling sensation under my skin intensified.
“I can feel your wolf responding to my touch. Does that worry you?”
It wasn’t just her touch it was responding to. It was the entire thing. The firelight. The other wolves. Even Fallen.
“A little,” I admitted, wincing when my voice cracked.
“It’s more noticeable than it was before, and I can feel something, but—”
“You never shift.” She passed me a knowing smile, then placed a hand on my cheek.
I wasn’t sure if it was something she did with the rest of the pack or not, but I leaned into her touch anyway. After being isolated from the rest of the pack, it was nice to feel another’s skin on mine, no matter how temporary.
Fallen growled from her place in the semi-circle, letting out a bark when Ash didn’t respond.
Made aware of her actions, Ash shook her head and slowly pulled away, probably more for my benefit than her own.
There was no mistaking the deep color on her face, and that’s when I knew her actions toward me weren’t normal.
Embarrassed and stuck in front of the rest of the pack, I waited for her to speak. When she did, her words weren’t as smooth as before. There was an edge to her voice, and even though she was Alpha, she could barely meet my gaze.
“Tonight, you’re going to shift,” she said, her voice uneasy.
“We cannot let you shift and run with us at the turn of the moon unless you can control it. No wolf should ever be locked up on a full moon. It might give her the wrong idea.” Meaning the cell I’d spent most of my time in.
“I’m not ready,” I told her, the uncertainty in my voice matching her own.
“You haven’t even tried,” she said, giving me a pointed look. “The pain you fear won’t be nearly as overwhelming as it was during your first shift. If you breathe through it and take it slow, it will happen.”
“Here?” I squeaked, glancing at the rest of the pack that had already grown bored of me, talking amongst themselves now that their Alpha wasn’t touching my face. “Now?”
“Yes, now.”
“But they’ll see me…” They’d see me naked. They’d see the scars on my chest. “I can’t.”
“You can,” Ash began, turning me so I was facing the flames, “and you will. Forget about everyone else. Stare into
the fire and let your mind drift. Take in its warmth, hold it close to your chest, and close your eyes. What do you see?”
Was that why they sat around the fire every night? Did it make the shift easier for them?
My mind filled with questions as I stared into the orange flames. My thoughts went back to the one camping trip my folks actually let me go on and the very quick retreat we made home once it started to rain. They’d been so protective of me that any good memory I might’ve had of my childhood had been ruined by my faulty heart.
But not anymore. I could feel the new heart beating hard and fast in my chest, its rhythmic beat hitting the inside of my ribcage. It was strong. I was strong. With nothing left to hold me back, I gave in to the sensation at the edge of my subconscious, the one that told me what to do.
My heart fluttered when fear dug its icy fingers into my spine, but as quickly it came, it was gone, chased away by Ash’s hand on my back. If Fallen protested this time, I didn’t hear her. All that existed was the flame, my wolf, and the woman g
ently rubbing circles into my back.
The rest of the world fell away, taking my fears along with it.
“Good,” Ash said, her voice muffled as my mind started to drift. “Follow the call. Don’t listen to or think of anything else.”