“My manager was waiting for me when I got back to where I’m staying,” she said, clasping her hands between her knees.
“I can’t say he was thrilled, but the entire time he argued with me, all I could think about was never getting to come here again. Never getting to play in the tower. Never getting to
come here after Maggie’s, and this,” she said, taking my hand in hers.
“I could lose all of those things, but not this. I know it’s silly for me to get involved so close to my tour, and I tried to fight my way out of it, but I can’t help it. You’re the first person since Laura that’s ever accepted me as I am. Not because of fame or my music, but because of me. It’s unexpected, and honestly? It’s a breath of fresh air.”
She got quiet then, tensing when I arched my thumb over the back of her hand. “I’ve never told anyone this,” she said with a nervous laugh, “not even my own mother. I’m sure she had her suspicions, but that was the thing about my mom that I loved most. She never pushed, not unless she knew it was in my best interest. She pushed hard after Laura passed away.
Once she realized I had a heart for music and what drove me to my passion, she used it to fuel me, even if, at the time, I didn’t want to.”
Looking at our hands with our fingers locked together, I smiled. “I’m sure she knew.” As far as celebs were concerned, Cassidy wasn’t terribly open about her relationships. However, sitting in my shop, I could already see what she was struggling to say. “Have you ever—”
“Never,” she said, cutting me off. “I’ve never been with anyone. Not serious, anyway. I’ve… experimented?” She frowned, then shook her head. “I don’t mean it like that. I guess explored would sound better. God, I sound like a total ass right now.”
I smiled and kissed the back of her hand. “You sound nervous,” I told her, “which is totally normal. To be honest, I haven’t done much in way of dating, either. Not recently, anyway. I’ve tried, but things always seem to just—”
“Fall apart?” she offered, giving me a knowing smile. “I can relate. Being on tour, I’ve never been able to hold on to anything for very long.”
“But you’re okay with this?” With us? I kept the last bit to myself, my throat closing in on itself.
“This feels different,” she said, leaning against the back of the sofa before meeting me in a lazy kiss. She caressed my face and pushed the hair from in front of my eyes, smiling as she did. “You remind me of her. She had such a fiery spirit. I envied her. Even after her diagnosis and all of the tests, she never stopped smiling. I knew she did it for me, but she was my first crush. I never… I didn’t realize she felt the same way until her mom gave me those journals.”
My heart dipped into the pit of my stomach.
“She wrote everything down,” Cassidy explained, her eyes growing distant. “What I was wearing on any given day, what song I sang for her, the way we danced at prom even though she was almost too sick to stand. It’s all inside those journals.”
“Which is why you wanted to keep
them,” I said with a nod.
“But then why were they with your mom?”
“Being on tour as much as I am, things tend to get misplaced. If I ever lost them, if I ever lost the last part of her I have, I don’t think I’d ever sing again. I turn to those entries when things are hard. I have them photocopied and saved on my laptop, but nothing can ever offer me the same comfort as those originals.”
My heart went out t her. Not only because of the good friend she’d lost but also because of the secret she’d been carrying with her for so long.
“Does your manager know?” I asked, immediately wishing I hadn’t.
Cassidy’s face paled, and when she looked at me again, she looked right through me. Past me. “There are some things that need to remain private around him. I trust him as a business partner, nothing more.”
I nodded my understanding. “Then how do you want this to work?” Meaning us. If she was on tour as often as she claimed and her manager didn’t know about us, how much time would I get with her once she was home? If she comes home.
She only came back to take care of her mother’s things. If not for that, would she have stopped in town at all?
“Carefully,” Cassidy said after giving it some thought. “I’ll tell him just… not yet. He’s been trying to get me on someone’s arm for years. He claims it would be great for publicity, among other things.”
Yeah, like live interviews. I wrinkled my nose at that, already sensing Cassidy’s disgust.
“I don’t mean to put you in such an awkward position,” she said, leaning into me.
“But you kind of have.” Not only for me but for the shop as well.
“I know, and I’m sorry. Just give me a few weeks to play things by ear.”
“By then you’ll be on tour.” That time there was no escaping the hurt in my voice. I cared for her, I really did. I could see where she was coming from, but unlike me, she could leave once things got out of hand. I, on the other hand, had nowhere else to go.
The shop was my life, and now with Cassidy in it, I’d always be able to relive my memories of her. The last thing I wanted was for those memories to be full of anger and regret.