note reminding me that he hadn’t gotten a handout from anyone at my age.” Sloane’s lip twitched. “My mom has resented me since the day I was born. The many therapists I’ve had over the years each have their own theories as to why. So yeah, I’m not like you. I don’t show every single part of me to everyone all the time, and I didn’t need to go around campus reminding everyone that I was working hard for something too.”
Ari was so stunned she couldn’t find the right words to say. She wanted to reach out and touch her, but Sloane was so angry and raw. “Sloane, I didn’t know —”
Sloane o ered a bitter, humorless chuckle. “No, you didn’t, but you sure as fuck made lots of assumptions to fill in the blanks.”
“And that was wrong of me,” Ari said, her hands shaking as she leaned in closer to Sloane, hoping she wouldn’t recoil.
“I was in my own shit. Worried about my inadequacies and obsessed with this idea of the top five. I’m sorry that I stopped looking at you like a person. All I could see was an obstacle in my way, and I guess it was easier to imagine you as this emotionless robot without wants and goals of your own. I’m sorry,” she insisted, hoping Sloane could read her as well as she always said.
Sloane shut her eyes tightly for a moment before taking a deep breath. “You know, I’ve tried to show you that I was sorry for being too hard on you in school. For taking it too far. And I’m still sorry for that. I knew when I was hurting you and I didn’t stop.”
The apology caused emotional whiplash, leaving Ari unable to process it. “You’ve never said that before,” she
replied softly.
Sloane opened her eyes, prompting Ari to be brave enough to reach for her hand. Sloane accepted it, but the contact only made her eyes waterier. “Don’t actions count for more than words?”
Ari cocked her head to the side. “Actions like intentionally messing with me when we started this job even though you’ve admitted that you knew I liked you?”
Sloane winced like she’d been slapped in the face. “I admit that old habits were hard to break. It was a while before I saw you again.”
“Saw me?” Ari asked, unsure what she meant.
“It wasn’t until we started sharing that ugly little o ce that I remembered who you were. Aside from our competitiveness and bickering and bullshit. I forgot there was also the girl I instantly liked when we met at orientation.
A girl I would have asked out if she didn’t have a girlfriend when we met. It took a while to shed the old habits that no longer suited me,” she admitted before wiping away the tear that broke free from her willpower. “I’m sorry for that.”
“No,” Ari said, cupping Sloane’s face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for—”
The lights flickered on and o several times. For a moment, Ari forgot what it meant. When the realization dawned on her, she clenched her jaw.
“Time to go,” Sloane muttered before slipping out of Ari’s hold.
In painful silence, they cleaned up and hurried out to the service exit. Neither of them had any desire to get Pablo in
trouble, and even less interest in getting arrested for trespassing.
Outside, the cool night air o the bay blasted them in the face. Sloane walked toward her car so fast, Ari had to jog to catch up.
“Hey, wait. I don’t want to end things like this,” Ari said as Sloane got into her car. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
Sloane gave her a peck on the lips. “I think it’s better if we take a little time to cool o , okay? That was a lot. I need to get myself together.”
The idea of Sloane needing to collect herself was hard to believe, but she respected the boundary even though it nauseated her to watch her leave after such an intense conversation. Especially when she wasn’t clear where they stood now.
“Okay,” Ari said as her throat closed up so high and tight the word barely escaped.
Without another word, Sloane waved goodbye and drove away. Ari sat in the empty parking lot staring at the water without really looking at it. She was empty of all the unspoken emotions, all the old, hard feelings. She was so empty it was more like being hollow than unburdened.
CHAPTER 35
SLEEP WAS hard to come by, and after tossing and turning in her bed, Ari got up with the sun. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t stop playing the argument with Sloane over and over in her mind. She knew that if they were going to have a shot at dating for real, they would have to talk about the past, but she hadn’t expected Sloane’s reaction to be so explosive. So angry.
After she’d cleaned every inch of her small apartment, including taking a toothbrush to the grout and washing all the curtains, Ari stared at her cell phone. She d
idn’t have the heart to respond to her parents or Jasmine’s request for date details. Where would she begin to explain what she barely understood?
Ari’s empty stomach lurched at the thought of Sloane’s enraged face. She shouldn’t have broached the topic without knowing what she wanted to say. Assuming Sloane didn’t care about school had really triggered something deep in her.