your grandpa left me… I just felt like I was pretty much in
shut down mode and I had to make all these plans suddenly. I
felt totally blindsided. I booked time off work and booked a
flight and between all that and thin
king about the lawyer and
renting a car and just being back here and all the thoughts and
feelings that stirred up…”
“You didn’t know how to talk to your parents so you
thought you’d try and buy yourself some time.”
“Yeah. I hate lying to them, but I just couldn’t get my act
together to think about how to talk to them. It wasn’t because I
didn’t think they’d be approachable. I was just- I don’t know. I
could barely function. I should have told them, but I guess I
was thinking of doing what you said. Buying myself time. I
thought it would be easier to tell them when I knew what was
going on and I didn’t have this big unknown. I kept thinking
about you. They would have asked me tons of questions about
if I was going to see you and your family, and honestly, I
didn’t know. When Jim Johnson phoned me, he said that your
family didn’t want me to come to the funeral so he was asked
not to make arrangements with me until after. I was pretty
hurt, but I understood. It would have made something that was
already horrible that much harder. I knew I wasn’t popular and
I knew why and I didn’t blame any of you. I guess I just could
barely even string two thoughts together before I got on that
flight, and answering a thousand questions from my parents
would have just stressed me out, even if they meant well and
were worried. I’m going to tell them as soon as I get home.”
Quinn set her elbows on the island and cupped her chin in
her hands.