“There has to be more.” She believed that. She wasn’t just saying it to try to soothe Jos’ brutally hurt feelings over work and the pain she was carrying around with her since her miscarriage. Other pain too, pain she hadn’t told Eden about. She was sure there had to be something. Wasn’t there always something? More than one thing. A lifetime’s worth.
“I’ve made myself so busy
for over twenty years. I can’t learn to relax now. Relaxing leads to thinking and thinking leads to—”
“Nothing good,” Eden finished. “At least not a certain kind of thinking. The overthinking kind of thinking.” She swallowed hard, her uneaten burger getting cold in front of her. She didn’t care. “You could go somewhere else; I’m sure lots of places would be happy to have you.” She grinned and looked away coyly, trying to lighten the conversation. “You could always go back to being a real journalist.”
“What does it say about you that you’re on TV now too? You have noble intentions, but I’m sure you’ll start selling out like I did sooner or later. Maybe in six months. Or a year from now.”
You’re different.
Eden nearly choked on the words. She would never say that out loud. Thank goodness for her split second filter. But Jos was. She was different than when Eden had met her. Was this what she was like when she trusted someone even just a fraction? Eden wanted to know. She wanted Jos to trust her all the way. She wanted to know what she was like without the walls.
“You could blog. Or, no, vlog. Even better.”
Jos snorted. She picked up another tomato slice off her plate and flung it across the table. It landed on Eden’s plate with a wet smack.
Her mouth nearly dropped open, but she kept it together by sheer willpower. “Thanks,” she muttered. She picked up the slice and munched on it even though she couldn’t stand to eat them without something else most of the time. “I have to admit that I thought it would be kind of weird at work since we slept together, but I guess people do that all the time.”
Jos tensed.
“I like working with you,” Eden added quickly, trying to keep her confession lighthearted. “I like the job more than I thought I would, actually.”
“Give it time. It will sour, I’m sure.”
“For someone who tried so hard to get me to take the job, you don’t seem very happy about it now.”
Jos shrugged. She lowered her eyes quickly before Eden could read anything there. “Maybe I’m just more honest now that I have what I wanted. That I got the suits what they wanted.”
“They used you, then.”
“Don’t they use everyone? Everyone gets used at some point by someone. It is what it is.”
“Is it really all that bad? What about making a difference? If I can keep picking my stories and the interviews and topics, even just once a week, keep working with everyone to make it happen, that would be worth it to me. I’m still doing my work on the side. I’m writing another book and the first one hasn’t even come out. Maybe everyone will hate it.”
“No.” Jos didn’t look up. “No, everyone will love it the same way that everyone loves you. For a rich girl and someone who is entirely too chipper, you have a strange charm.”
“That’s high praise coming from you.” Eden was completely serious. “Actually, coming from anyone. But especially you.”
It means way more coming from you. She didn’t say it, but Jos probably understood. It was a miracle she didn’t kick Eden under the table. She didn’t react at all, but that was also Jos’ way.
It was very hard to catch her off guard. The things she gave, she gave of her own free will and not for any other reason.
It made Eden feel even more honored that she’d been the one to hear those admissions just now. “Maybe we should sleep together again,” she blurted. She, on the other hand, had a very bad habit of speaking her mind. The split-second filter thing didn’t always work.
Jos’ head snapped up. “No.”
“It didn’t ruin anything yet.”
“No.”
Eden felt her body come alive in a hot rush. She was all heat and raw awareness, tingling between her legs. It was so much more than just desire. She didn’t want to just sleep with Jos. She wanted to spend more time with her.
Okay, so she wanted the sex too, and actual sleep. Real, intimate sleep where she could lie beside her all night and listen to her breathe and feel the warmth of her body and know they were close. And a good morning. She didn’t want to be chased away again, stuffed into a cab that Jos had ordered with a heavy dousing of regret before she was sent on her way.
“This place is good,” Jos said. She was clearly done discussing the whole sleeping together thing, and Eden was okay with letting it drop.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to pursue Jos. “Told you,” Eden announced smugly. She bent down, picked up her fork, blew on it, and continued eating.