She tilted her chin up, waiting, her lips parted on a rough, shaky inhale and then a gasp. Jos stared at her with those cold, hard eyes. She was going to turn away. She was going to let her go. She was going to go close herself off and suffer alone and drown in a pain that no one had any idea about.
Eden wasn’t going to let that happen. She might have been pinned against the wall, but she arched into Jos and leaned forward, and it was just enough that because Jos didn’t pull away, she could find her lips and capture them with her own.
Chapter 11
Jos
Eden wriggled against Jos, loving the power play. Loving everything she shouldn’t. Wanting everything she shouldn’t. No, that wasn’t Eden. That was her. It was both of them. Neither of them were strong enough to resist whatever this was, and it rankled. It did so much more than annoy Jos that this woman with the perfect body and the pretty little face and the sassy spirit and eyes that saw too much and a heart that actually, legitimately cared too much, was someone she couldn’t just let go of. Someone she couldn’t chase off or send running out the door.
Jos kissed Eden obnoxiously, like it was obvious that she wanted to own her, to remind her who was in control, but Eden twisted against her in desperation, kissing her back, literally lapping up every single second of it. Jos knew she should push Eden away. That’s how she kept herself safe. It wasn’t bringing her to her home and showing her the damn nursery. What was she thinking?
“You should go,” she snapped near Eden’s ear. She couldn’t help dragging her lips there, tasting her, inhaling her shampoo. Pressing in just a little closer, just to feel her softness, to feel her heart. To feel all the things that shouldn’t matter. Her words were making a mockery of her. Making her feel weak when she needed to be strong.
Right. Strength after nearly having a meltdown over the nursery. After spilling the details of my darkest time to her. And now is the time to be strong?
She couldn’t undo what she’d done, but she could send Eden away. Before anything else went down. Before things got even more out of control.
“I’m not going.” Eden turned her head and tried to pull her wrists free where Jos had them pinned over her head, but she kept her that way. She braced a knee between her legs, knocking them apart, and Eden moaned. It scrambled Jos’ brain, that low, husky sound.
“You’re not very smart, then. And here I’d heard such good things.”
“You want to play mean?” Eden asked. “You want to insult me? Go ahead. I can take it. I can take it because I know you don’t mean it and you need to vent, and you need this.”
“A little hero. Look at you, so sweet. Saving the world.”
Eden shook her head. Her eyes glittered with fire, stealing Jos’ breath when she looked into them. It was a mistake. All of this was a mistake. She knew it, but she wasn’t letting go of Eden.
“No,” Eden said firmly. “Just you.”
“One fuck at a time,” Jos snarled, trying to drive Eden away with her meanness.
“I’ll take what I can get.”
Eden jerked hard, tearing her wrists free. She cupped Jos’ face almost frantically and crashed their lips together. The kiss was crushing, so consuming that Jos wasn’t just scared for her sanity, she was scared for her soul. She was afraid of this woman and what she could do to her. How she could tear down all her carefully constructed walls. She couldn’t go inside herself and hide when she was with Eden. It wasn’t just uncomfortable, it was terrifying.
Jos clung to Eden, unable to let her go. She kissed her back, thrilling when her tongue swept into her mouth to stroke hers. She kissed her brutally, swiping her teeth along Eden’s lower lip until she moaned. She didn’t break the skin. Didn’t make her bleed. She was careful. She didn’t want to hurt her. Except that Eden, for all her guileless sweet innocence, clearly wanted some degree of pain.
She dropped her hands to Jos’ hips, grasping them tightly. She steered her down the hall, towards the big bedroom. Her bedroom.
This was going to happen. They were going to happen. Again. Not when one of them had had a little too much to drink. Not because it was a mistake, a spur of the moment thing, but because it was real, and they both wanted each other too much to stop.
They worked together. That was a huge red flag raging in front of Jos’ face and still she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t even make herself care about the danger Eden represented. How she’d just made her open up and tell her things so easily, as if that was something Jos did, as if it didn’t cost her everything to do it.
Jos took over, turning Eden so that she wasn’t the one leading. She pushed her into the bedroom, tearing her hands off of her hips and planting hers on Eden’s instead. She dug her fingers in hard enough to leave marks and Eden just gasped and cupped Jos’ face again and kissed her like she was a lifeline. She stole her oxygen, replaced it with her air. She’d heard her confession and she was easing the sting with this. With the one thing that could reach Jos when nothing else could.
Jos stopped just inside the bedroom. She flicked on the light because if they were doing this, she needed light. She’d do this with Eden. No, not with Eden, but for Eden, then she’d send her on her way. Messy and mussed and sated. She’d tell her that it could never happen again, and this time, she’d mean it. She wouldn’t strip herself down. She wouldn’t lay herself bare. She’d give Eden this because she wanted it and they both needed it too much to deny, too much to stop, but she wouldn’t endanger herself in any way. She wouldn’t strip herself bare in any sense of the word.
When the lights illuminated the space, Eden gasped at where they were standing. In front of the full-length mirror Jos had mounted to the wall.
“Take your clothes off,” Jos commanded silkily. “I want us both to watch.”
“Just that? Just taking my clothes off? That’s what you want us to see?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a brat?”
Eden’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not a brat.”
Jos hated that she liked the sound of the word on her tongue. “Undress.”