“I know I don’t have to. And before you start thinking that you’re anything less than beautiful, don’t even go there. You’re gorgeous. You’ll always be gorgeous because you’re you and I love you. I’m not saying you need to clean up. I’m saying that when things are shitty, some pampering sometimes makes us feel better. I can’t fix your family for you. I’m not sure I can fix much of anything, but what I can do is pour you a bath and make you dinner.”
Crazily enough, Scarlet found her lips twitching. “Okay.”
Neera didn’t drop her hand. She led her away from the door and down the hall to the bathroom. She turned on the light and efficiently put the stopper in the tub, turned on the water, and checked the temperature while the tub filled.
She was methodical, but she did everything with care. She wasn’t in nurse mode, but Scarlet realized how comforted Neera’s patients must feel when she was around. She didn’t think of Neera as anything less than a woman any longer, but she realized just how grown up she was. She was way older than her twenty-three years, that was for certain. She was trained that way as a nurse, but she was also wise, and she knew what she wanted, and that was incredibly attractive. No one had ever fought for Scarlet before. How could she not feel the force of that love and take a minute to bask in
it?
When Neera turned around, it was like she knew what Scarlet was thinking. She didn’t offer to help her undress. She didn’t try to make their encounter sexual. This was about care and support and for the first time ever, Scarlet knew what it was to have a romantic partner who truly saw her and understood her. More than anything, Neera’s tenderness told her that this wasn’t just a fling. It wasn’t a novelty for her. She wasn’t a novelty.
“I want to know all of you,” Neera said, her voice little more than a hum. She leaned in and grazed Scarlet’s forehead with her warm lips. “I want to know everything about you. I know that I’ve known you all my life, but I haven’t known you as my partner. I haven’t known you as someone who could share anything and everything with me. I’d like to undress you and make love to you in that bath until you’re screaming out my name, but we have time, and I can wait. You have other needs, and I want to meet them all. We can take things slow. We don’t have to rush into anything. We’re dating, but we had a rough start. Let’s build something that’s not so rough. Something beautiful. Something that’s going to last. I’m not just here because I think you’re sexy. I’m here because I think you’re so, so much more.”
The last of Scarlet’s doubts and worries vaporized like the thin tendrils of steam curling off the bathwater. Would a bath and dinner fix anything? Maybe not more than the tired feeling dragging her down. Would kind words repair the relationships that were important to her and were hanging in shreds? Maybe not, but they’d help her move forward.
The fact that Neera was there at all meant more than Scarlet could say. Did she think she was crazy over this past week they’d been apart? Yes. More than once. Did she doubt herself? Plenty. Did she doubt Neera? No. She really hadn’t, but hearing Neera say those words and mean them helped more than she could say.
Neera was there. She was there because she wanted to be there, with her. It made Scarlet feel energized and refreshed, recharged, and absolutely terrified too, because opening herself up to someone and having a healthy relationship wasn’t going to be easy. They faced a ton of added difficulties, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t make it.
Slow and honest. Slow and honest sounded just right.
“I told my mom I’d make a grilled cheese when I got back home and that she didn’t have to worry about me. She tried to feed me tuna casserole and then felt guilty, I think.”
Scarlet laughed just a little, unexpectedly, and it felt good. “I know how much you hate that. It’s Elodie’s guilty pleasure.”
“Most people like chocolate or wine or freaking chips as a guilty craving, but nope. Hers has to be tuna. Anyway, now that I told her I’d be fine with a grilled cheese, I have a craving for one. If I make us that, is that okay?”
Scarlet’s mouth actually watered. She was surprised to find that her stomach was clenched up with something more than tight, nasty knots, and sick, churning worry mingled with guilt. “That would be great.”
“With pickles?”
“Always.”
“Do you have bacon and tomatoes?”
“I didn’t know we were going all the way gourmet.”
“Only the best for you.” Neera’s tone was lighthearted, but she meant it. She leaned forward and brushed Scarlet’s lips softly with hers. Just that touch was enough to warm Scarlet’s entire body. “Enjoy your bath.”
Neera left, shutting the door behind her, and Scarlet had to sit down on the edge of the tub at that final gesture. Neera was giving her privacy, her own space, letting her feel and take things at her own pace. She wasn’t just trying to keep the warm air in the bathroom. She respected Scarlet and that was more than she’d ever truly had in a relationship.
Neera was showing her too, that she could take care of her. That just because Scarlet was older, didn’t mean that she’d rely on her to do it all, or that she expected her to be a certain way. It was freeing and it made her feel like she could do this. Like she could move forward, no matter what was against her. It was exactly what she needed after a painful, vulnerable day of aching and doubting herself.
She was so primed to think that she wasn’t worthy. That she couldn’t trust because people betrayed trust. She’d had it done to her time and again in her marriage, and she’d been feeling extremely hypocritical about betraying Elodie’s trust, even though it wasn’t the same thing. She’d felt like she didn’t have anyone in her corner. She couldn’t give Neera her blind trust, no matter how hard she wanted to, but she realized that Neera didn’t want that. She wanted to earn it. She wanted to build it together. She was strong and she wasn’t going to give up on Scarlet because things were rough for her too.
Scarlet undressed and slid into the bath. The warm water was just the right temperature. It chased away the chill in her bones and soothed her aching, tired muscles. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back and thought about everything that Neera had done since she’d first got back. Scarlet thought it was impossible that Neera could truly see her, but she believed it now, after everything they’d gone through in a short period of time. Neera coming over tonight, her tenderness, and her care, had proved to Scarlet that she didn’t need to be perfect. It wasn’t expected. Neera wanted her just the way she was, and she was utterly okay with being wanted that way too.
It sounded so simple, but it really wasn’t. No one was like that. Happy with themselves. Easily accepting. Loving of the imperfect.
It brought tears to Scarlet’s eyes again when she thought of Neera in the kitchen, probably waiting to start their dinner so that she could enjoy her bath first. Neera, smiling and patient and ready to listen. The lovely Neera who had loved her for so many years and wasn’t complete without her.
The truth was, Scarlet wouldn’t be complete without her either. Not one bit.
Chapter 17
Neera
After working her training shifts one after another, back-to-back, with a few days off, Neera had to admit that even the day shift grind was getting to her. She and Scarlet still hadn’t had an official date that they could call a date where they went out and did something together.