“Sorry.” Neera cranked her head over her shoulder as she steered Elodie away from Scarlet’s door, her hand tight on her arm, but the other was at Elodie’s back, gentle and reassuring. “Don’t hold this against her.”
“I never would. Never,” she croaked, her voice like a rusty chainsaw coming to life after ten too many years on a shelf in someone’s garden shed.
Elodie made a strangled sound and tried to turn around, but Neera looped her arm over her shoulders and made it impossible for her to turn. “Let’s go, Mom. We can talk about it more at home, where it’s a normal temperature and where neighbors aren’t tuning into our family drama like it’s their favorite late night TV show.”
“Garp,” Elodie choked. “Are you for real?”
Neera giggled, but it was clear she was on edge. “None that I can see, but who knows who is being stealthy behind their blinds? Also, you have to work early tomorrow.”
“There’s zero chance I’m ever sleeping again,” Elodie moaned. “Or letting you out of my sight.”
“Tomorrow’s a new day, Mom.”
“Tomorrow’s the same damn day. And the day after and the day after, and the day after that.”
“You’re going to get bored, and you’ll miss your bestie. You’ll actually call when you think about it instead of telling yourself not to. You’ll text when you want to instead of forcing yourself to still be mad. You’ll let go of your anger because I know you, and you won’t stay mad forever. You’re too nice. You’re kind and forgiving and you’ll see that just because things are different doesn’t mean that they’re wrong.”
“Ugh, don’t talk to me about this anymore,” Elodie moaned, her voice barely discernable, they were so far from Scarlet’s house now. “I can’t take it tonight. I need some tea.”
“Tea is good,” Neera said softly. “I’ll make us some.”
They were quiet after that. Scarlet watched until they made their way down the block, then as they went back inside and were swallowed up by Elodie’s house.
Scarlet ached. She ached with a brand-new pulsing pain that was as acute as anything she’d ever felt before. Neera and Elodie walking off together, mother and daughter. They were there for each other. They had each other. They were inseparable, the familial bonds stronger than anything between them.
She would probably never have that. Even if she did date Neera, it wasn’t like she’d want to have kids right away, and then she would be too old. How old was too old to start a family? Scarlet had given that up.
Yes, she wanted kids. No, she had never wanted them with Bryan. He said he didn’t want them either, which made it easy on her. If she’d had kids, she never would have done any of this. She probably wouldn’t have divorced Bryan. She never would have come out to anyone at all. She would have lived for her little ones and made sure they had a home where their parents at least appeared to have their shit together.
And she would have been utterly miserable.
But there would have been that bright spot in her life. Her children. The ache inside of her which was normally just a small burn was raising its head, roaring out at her to take notice. She didn’t fully understand it, and she didn’t want to stand in the doorway and ruminate on all the things she should or shouldn’t have done in her life.
Scarlet turned back inside, slowly shutting her door, but not before she made a quick glance around the street to see if she could catch anyone behind their blinds. Thankfully, there wasn’t so much as a flicker, and no one was openly staring her down.
Hopefully, no one would take it upon themselves to avenge Elodie and put a steaming bag of something foul on her doorstep. Hopefully, Elodie didn’t get creative either. Not that she’d ever done anything like that, but they used to joke about it, particularly when it came to Bryan.
Scarlet shut and locked the door. She made it to the living room before she collapsed on her couch. She had her favorite plaid blanket draped over the leather back and she pulled it down, curling up inside of it, realizing just how chilled she was from standing at the door for so long while the cold air rushed in and around her.
She shivered violently, her teeth knocking together. Her eyes welled up too, but she squeezed them shut tight and told herself not to cry. She’d cried enough already just thinking about what was going to happen because she knew it would happen. Crying wouldn’t fix anything. She needed to direct her energy into thinking about what she could say to Elodie. What she could do. How to move forward. How to start repairing their tattered friendship, and what she was going to do about Neera.
Even after seeing how disappointed and hurt, confused, enraged, and saddened Elodie was, Scarlet couldn’t wish Neera away. Did she wish that she could be anyone else? Yes. Did she wish that she hadn’t had to hurt Elodie? Absolutely. But it was Neera, and she was who she was, and the hurt was inevitable. Instead of wishing for things to be different, she had to wait until Elodie was feeling better about everything, then work hard at making it different.
The hard truth was their relationship would never be the same as it was before. That didn’t mean it couldn’t be better. Scarlet wouldn’t stop trying until it was. The urge to walk over to Elodie’s house and demand that she come out and submit to a hug was so strong that Scarlet almost laughed at herself. No, there would be no more marching down the street between each other’s houses tonight.
She shifted the blanket and opened her eyes, and when something moved, she screamed. She leaped out from under the blanket and ran across the room.
A spider. What the heck was a spider doing out in the house in the middle of the winter?
“Farge!” Scarlet yelped. She pointed angrily at the creepy black, eight-legged devil. “How can you do this to me? Now? Of all the times? When I can’t call Elodie to deal with you?” Her finger wavered and she stood there, breathing heavily, watching the spider as it nestled up in her blanket and just sat there, claiming it for himself. “Fine then,” Scarlet fumed. “You just— just stay there! I’m going to the bedroom. You can have the couch. You stick to your side of the house, I’ll stick to mine. Deal?”
The spider didn’t move. It didn’t scuttle away. Scarlet left the room, making a mad dash for her bedroom, where she closed the door. She didn’t think it would keep the spider out if it decided to break their agreement though.
She was terrified of them. They were just so— so spidery. So hairy and fast and sketchy and utterly despicable.
This is it. This is how the universe is choosing to get back at me. This is karma’s version of payback.
Elod